It's Not Always The Pit Hair And Pecs That Define The Man, Ya Know?

Adam has a new friend over for a sleepover this evening.

Alec has a friend over as well.


Around 9:30pm, both sets of boys were in their rooms, and I was tidying the bathroom.

All of a sudden, Belle started going nuts.

Letting loose with that particular bark, that lets me know someone is at the door.

I figured it was someone I didn't know, because when she knows who it is, she throws more of a whiny freakout than an out and out straight bark.


I came out of the bathroom to meet Alec, and he followed me down the stairs with a, 'Gonna get the door, Mom?'

For some reason, just the way he asked that question made me think it was his buddy, from a few doors down, standing on the other side of the door.

I looked through the peephole, but couldn't make out who it was.

For some strange reason, all I could see was ... white.

'What the ...?'


From behind me I heard, 'Are you gonna get it?'

I turned around and looked at Alec, then back at the door.

What if it wasn't Johnny From Down The Street? I wasn't expecting anyone else.


With one hand on Belle's collar, and Alec on the stairs, I reached my other hand out to answer the door.

As I'm reaching towards it, my mom instinct is going 'BACK AWAY from the FREAKIN' door, Kim!'

But instead, I open it.

And HOLY CRAP!

I wasn't quite sure WHAT was standing in front of me.


She looked ... hard. And ... scary.

Jet black hair. Snow white, haggard skin. Blood red, clown-like lips, and ... the teeth. Let's just say she could have used a bit of dental restructuring.

The blinding white light I had seen through the peephole, had been her bright white leather jacket.

She had a bunch of open bags/red purse hanging off one arm, and a cell phone in her other hand.


To be brutally honest? Which we all know I can sometimes be ... ahem ...

I thought it was a guy, in drag.

Bad drag.


She wouldn't make eye contact with me. She was playing with her phone.

SPEAKING to me, or more so mumbling at me, but looking at and playing with her phone, and fidgeting.

THAT'S when I slooooowly started to close the door with an, 'I don't think so.'


She wanted to come in the house.

Use the phone.

Something was off. She wasn't acting 'right'.

Was she drunk? On drugs? Meds? Off her meds?

Regardless, I have no idea what was wrong with the lady, I'm just telling you something was 'off'.


I'm alone with four kids, and out of the blue some ... strange, random chick shows up at my door, wanting to come in my house.

So I closed the door.

And I turn around to look for Alec.

There he is, at the bottom of the stairs. Baseball bat in hand.

He'd gotten a look at her.

Apparently, he hadn't liked what he'd seen either.


I looked at him. I looked at the bat. I looked at him. I shook my head, no.



Please don't think it was just that I won't help people in need.

I do try to help others, when I can.

Hell, I've offered my bathroom to the road workers in front of my house.

But this particular chick?

No.


So, from the other side of the door comes, 'Well ... would you call someone for me, and see if they'll come and pick me up?'

I yelled back, 'Why don't you just use your cell phone, in your hand.'

'Cause I need to use yours,' she said.

Once again, my mom senses are tingling.

Not a FREAKIN' chance, Chickie!

And once again I throw back, 'Nope, you're not going to use it. I'll make the call, but you're not coming in.'

Without missing a beat, she yells, 'OK! Call D* (can't remember what name she said, but started with a D) and tell her it's Jeanie, and to come pick me up, and that I have gas money! Her number is 111-11xx.'


By now, I have a living room full of boys, watching my every move.

I call.

I get voicemail.

I leave a message, explaining I have some chick on my doorstep who wanted me to call her, here was my number, feel free to call me back.

Then, she asked me to call some guy named Clarence.

I did.

No answer. Left the same message.


After that, Chickie thanked me, and said she was leaving.

Walking.

I asked her which direction she would be going, in case one of her friends called back.

She told me.


No sooner had she left, and the boys were sitting around, recapping the last fifteen minute's events, and we were discussing the fact that perhaps I should call the police, than the phone rang.

It was the first friend I'd called for Random Crazy Chick.

She told me, in no uncertain terms, that it was too bad she was on my step, but that SHE wouldn't be coming to get her.

Also? That I had been smart not to let her in my house.


Alrighty then!

That confirmed those tingling mom senses.

I hung up from her, and called the non-emergency policy line.



I did this for a few reasons.

I was worried about her wandering along the dark, non-pedestrian friendly street on her own.

I didn't know if she'd keep trying other neighbours along the street. Some of which are in their late 50's/60's.

You just NEVER KNOW about people!

Maybe she was perfectly fine. Maybe not.


Less than five minutes later, a cruiser was sitting on the side of the road, about three houses away, lights flashing.

He sat there for quite a few minutes.

Then he left.

I'm not sure if he took her with him/them, but she didn't come back.

Of course, even if she had, she STILL wasn't gettin' in!


After the excitement of 'police car watching from the window' had finished, I turned to the new kid and said, 'Well, Johnny, welcome to just another boring old night at Adam's house!' ;-)

Cause ya know ... out of ALL the houses on that LOOOOOOONNNNNGGGG street, she would knock on MY door.

Right? Right.



Although I'm now dragging my sorry butt to bed, confident in the fact we've seen the last of Random Crazy Chick, for tonight ... Alec? Him?

How much you want a bet that bat's under his bed at this very moment?


My boy.

Stepping up to protect his clan, when he sensed his mama's unease.

Not necessarily a role I want him to play.

But one in which, once he had stepped, very clearly reminded me that ...


It's not always the pit hair and pecs that define the man, ya know?


Stay safe, all! Don't answer those doors and follow your instincts!

K.