What's The Big Cosmic Point? Death Sucks Part III

Over the past 7 yrs, the boys and I have experienced the deaths of 6 people within our circle of family and friends. We grieved for them, and their families, and wondered, 'why? why them?'

This past weekend, I had to explain to them the death of a four year old beautiful little girl. She was the granddaughter of my Mother's significant other. He and Mom have been together about 3 yrs. An extended family tree member if you will.

Around 18 mo, she was diagnosed with cancer. Yeah. Uh ... again ... 'why?'

This Sunday, June 1st, she would have turned 4. The past two years were a continuous battle for her.

But you hope. You always hope. And pray. Whoever you pray to, you pray.

Yes, death sucks and is always sad, but the death of a child, a beautiful, happy child who was born into a loving family ... that's just not 'right'.

How does that much pain make a parent 'stronger'. Why does a person need that type of strength anyway? How does being able to endure an unequivocal heartache, unimaginable suffering, make someone a better person?

What lesson is being learned through bearing a perfect child, only to then watch your child suffer from a bastard of a disease - that our scientists can't seem to get control over - despite the millions ... billions? raised for the cause - have your hopes raised during remission periods, only to be dashed on it's vicious return, continue the emotional roller-coaster through treatment periods, only to lose her in the end a mere 2 yrs later?

WHAT THE ?????

STOP!!! Don't start forwarding me religious and afterlife links and quotes! I don't want them. I was raised catholic and know all about god and attended enough church services, and Sunday school classes to know what's supposed to happen when the soul leaves the body and moves on to be an angel in heaven.

What I don't get, and understandably never will, is why the good ones? The innocent ones? There are plenty of 'bad souls' out there beyond saving. Take them. Take 'em all. We won't miss them. Really! Would it be all that bad if the good guys controlled the earth?

Leave the littlest angels. I'm sure there's another way we can be taught those 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' life lessons. Dontchathink?

Her parents are incredibly strong people. They spent months in hospitals, by her side. They cherished her. They finally brought her home last Friday night and she died two nights later in her Daddy's arms.

As a Mom, as a human being, my heart breaks for them. Life is SO not fair.

The boys didn't say much when I told them. They understood there was a chance her treatments would not be successful.

Although it was 6yrs ago, they had been through a similar experience with my father. Alec remembered. I could tell the news of her death upset him, he asked about her every time he saw my Mom. Adam ... harder to read how he took the news. He tends to keep more inside. More of the brooder where Alec outwardly expresses his emotional pain.

I had discussed her condition with them over the past couple of yrs. Tried to prepare them. But how do you prepare for the death of a 4 yr old?

On the inside ... you don't. You hope. You always hope. And pray. Whoever you pray to, you pray

Sigh. And question ...

What's the big cosmic point?

I asked myself that question when dad's brother, a favourite uncle of mine, died suddenly of a heart attack.

I asked myself that question when my dad died shortly after that of cancer.

I asked myself that question when a friend died of breast cancer last spring.

I asked myself that question when the Dad of one of Alec's friends died suddenly of a heart attack last summer, on the golf course, with his 11 yr old son. (Now tell me, what lesson is that poor boy supposed to learn from THAT?!?!?)

I asked myself again when I held my dog's broken body in my arms, and felt him breath his last breath. Not the same I know, but grief is grief is grief to dog lovers.

Sunday night, I cried, again, and asked myself ... once again.

I'm still waiting for the answer.

Have a good night all,

K

P.S. If you're wondering why the title of this post contains the phrase - Death Sucks Part III, it's because we've been here before, in I'm Very Very Sad Today ... aka Death Sucks!!! and Just when I thought I was all cried out .... Death Sucks Part II