How Do You Fix A Broken Mind?

My latest column, in May's edition of The Laker ... 


How do you know you're losing your mind?

I don't mean a scenario where one day, you wake up and your mind completely snaps and you go on a murderous rampage for no reason, or you trap and eat your neighbour's cat for dinner, with a nice Chianti.

I'm talking about those times that you can't, for the life of you, think of the word you want to say.

I'm talking about those times that you're in mid-sentence, and have no idea where you were going with the conversation.

I'm talking about letting the dog out one night, and suddenly realizing you have no idea how long you've been standing there with the door open, staring at the stars, in the cold.

I'm talking about not being able to remember the name of the hair colour product, that you've used for over ten years.

I'm talking about reading the directions on how to cook something, getting to the stove, and having to turn around and read the directions again, because you can't remember what you just read.

I'm talking about the times your child says to you, 'Hey mom, remember the time when ...'  and although you reply with, 'Oh YEAH', and smile and nod, you silently realize you really have no idea what they're referring to.  And it makes you sad that you simply don't remember.


THAT'S the type of 'losing your mind' I'm talking about.

I have experienced every single one of these scenarios.

I'm 44yrs old.


Yes, I understand our brains change as we get older. We forget things.  It's a natural sign of aging, and the natural progression of 'getting old'.

But when should you start to worry that what you're experiencing is not only a natural symptom of age, but perhaps the warning signs of early onset Alzheimers, which affects people in their 40's and 50's?


My grandmother is 90 yrs old. Over the past few years, we noticed a drastic change in her personality.  Little things at first, like being forgetful, or not having a sense of time, or who she was talking to.

But now, it's full fledged dementia.  She has no idea where she is, she has no mobility, she can no longer speak, and she no longer recognizes her children or grandchildren, and won't accept affection from any of us.

While I love my grandmother dearly, I hate seeing her like this, and I worry.

I worry that given the issues I have with my own memory, I'm seeing into my future, and it scares the crap out of me.


I didn't really spend too much time thinking about my memory loss, until I recently watched a movie called, Still Alice.

If you have someone in your family suffering from Alzheimers, I HIGHLY recommend seeing this.


It was a fantastic movie, about a smart, professional, educated woman struggling with early onset Alzheimers, and her journey through it with her family. Someone who was considered 'young' and who was completely taken by surprise by the diagnosis.

As movies tend to do, it made me smile, it made me laugh, and it made me cry.

But it also made me think.

About myself.  About my future.  About my mind.


I'm scared. There.  I've said it.  I'm scared to end up in a chair, completely immobile, and unaware of my surroundings or my kids. 

I'm terrified of losing, myself.

And I'm scared that it's already started.


This morning, I was having a conversation with the boy, and mid-sentence, I couldn't think of the word I wanted.

This was not the first time this has happened.

I knew what I wanted to say.  I knew EXACTLY what I WANTED to say, but I just could NOT get that word to formulate in my brain, and come out of my mouth.

Perhaps I've just been thinking about all this too much lately, because I started to cry.  I didn't mean to, it just happened because I was frustrated, but I think it scared the boy.

And I don't want to do that.

So after he left, I got online.

I searched for 'symptoms of early onset Alzheimers'. 

And then I made a phone call, and booked myself into a free Memory Clinic being run by True North Clinical Research.


I go in three weeks.


I've never done anything like this before, so I have no idea what to expect.

They asked me a few questions over the phone to determine WHY I wanted to do this, and although they said that these types of symptoms can be brought on by stress, or even worry about HAVING dementia, they still thought I should come in based on what I told them.

I'm happy I made the appointment.  If nothing else, they will tell me how my brain is functioning in comparison to other 44 yr olds.

And I'm still scared.  I'm scared of what else it might tell me.

But I'd rather know for sure, what may or may not be going on in my brain, so I can finally stop worrying about it.


Breaking a bone, dislocating a shoulder, having a cold, even many diseases can be cured and fixed.

But, how do you fix a broken mind?

How do you fix losing yourself and the person you once were?

How do you hold on to the memories, that you feel are like grains of sand, slipping though that hourglass and the sand is running out, and you have no way to flip that glass to keep things flowing.

I don't want to be an empty hourglass. 

Photo by Salvatore Vuono and taken from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I'm terrified to find out the answers to these questions.  But I'm more terrified of doing nothing and not knowing.

So one way or another, I'm going to find out!

I suggest that if you have ANY doubt about your mental health, you should, too!

And with any luck ... I'm just getting old naturally, and the neighbour's cat is safe for a few more years, yet!


K.

Her Name Is Rehtaeh Parsons

Her name is Rehtaeh Parsons!

She could be your daughter.  She could be your friend.  She could be the girl two houses over, who babysits your kids or walks your dog.

She could be any 17 yr. old girl trying to get through this roller coaster we call life.

She loved animals. She was a big sister. She cared about people. She brought joy to her family.  She was a nice girl.

She was also allegedly raped. I have to say allegedly, nobody has been convicted yet.  She was bullied relentlessly.  She was let down by the systems (yes multiple) in place to protect her.  

And 13 months ago, she took her own life to end the pain.

I’m not going to link to anything specific here.

Simply Google Rehtaeh Parsons.  You’ll find her.

You'll read her story.

And if you have any sense of what's 'right' and 'just' in this world, you'll be outraged.

And as a woman, a mom, most likely ... you'll cry.

Her case is still pending.

Justice has not yet been served.

Nobody has been punished.

Dirtbags are still walking free.

And her family has been threatened.  


As of last week, the media is no longer allowed to publish information about Rehtaeh's case.

Her family isn't allowed to publicly discuss her case with them, because there is now an 'official publication ban' in place.

Well guess what?  I’m not family.  

Hell, I’m not even a family friend.  I'm not media, and I’m not part of ‘the case’ in any way whatsoever, so I’m here to tell you …

Her name is Rehtaeh Parsons! 

She loved animals. She was a big sister.  She cared about people. She brought joy to her family. She was a nice girl.

She was also allegedly raped. I have to say allegedly, nobody has been convicted yet.  She was bullied relentlessly. She was let down by the systems (yes multiple) in place to protect her.  

And 13 months ago, she took her own life to end the pain.

I know, I just repeated myself.  I'm making a point. That being ... 

Her name is Rehtaeh Parsons!

And she still deserves justice.

“A provincial court judge in Halifax cited a mandatory publication ban in reference to a prominent child pornography case.”  - The Vancouver Sun.

That should read, ‘… in the Rehtaeh Parsons child pornography case.’

Her name is Rehtaeh Parsons.

“The publication ban cited comes under Section 486 of the Criminal Code, which prevents the naming of alleged victims in some cases.” - The Vancouver Sun (same article as above)

Seriously?  SERIOUSLY?!?!??!

You have concern over protecting Rehtaeh’s identity NOW?

Where was the concern for Rehtaeh when she needed it over a year ago?

Two teenage boys are facing charges for child pornography.  One is being charged with making child pornography.

The only people this ban may be ‘protecting’ would be THEM! 

Certainly NOT Rehtaeh.

Officials in MANY different departments; police, healthcare, education, the legal system … they ALL failed her.

People who were supposed to be her friends. FAILED HER!

What is this publication ban to 'protect' her supposed to accomplish, now?

Not sure.

What is it actually going to accomplish?

It’s going to piss off people like me.  

People who are NOT media, but yet have a forum to remind you … 

Her name is Rehtaeh Parsons!

You regulars in the Korner are already aware, that I have always tried to take a stand against bullying.

Even more so after the death of Amanda Todd.

I’m trying to raise two teenage boys in a world that accepts and … in some cases … encourages violence against women.

I have an uphill battle.

But I refuse to give up.

I refuse to stop talking to them about Rehtaeh and Amanda.

I refuse to let my boys think that ANY kind of bullying, or violence against women … or anyone for that matter, is OK.

I refuse to let them think there are no consequences for bad choices.

I refuse to let them turn into Dirtbags.

Her name is Rehtaeh Parsons.  And I make sure they know it.

On May 16^th, the judge will determine whether or not the publication ban should be lifted.

Until then … Her name is Rehtaeh Parsons.

And since the media can't do it, I'll take a moment to remind you all ...

• It is NOT OK to take an inappropriate video/picture of someone.

• It is NOT OK to distribute that video/picture among the masses.

• It is NOT OK to torment the victim of the video/picture.

• It is NOT OK to take 'drunk' as a 'yes' for sex.  Anything other than a 'yes' or 'take me now!' ... is a 'NO!'

• It is NOT OK to bully and taunt and threaten and generally make someone's life miserable through social media.  And yes, this includes ALL social media.

• And most importantly … it is NOT OK to let the Dirtbags who ruin someone’s life, simply walk away without facing ANY consequences 

Where is the justice in that? 

Where is the justice for Rehtaeh Parsons?

That’s right. Her name is Rehtaeh Parsons. 

 

DON’T FORGET IT!

Talk about Rehtaeh (and Amanda, and CJ, and Nicole).

Talk about 'appropriate behaviour' and 'slut shaming'.

Talk about teenage drinking.

Talk about mistakes. 

Talk about 'No' and 'drunk' means NO!  Period!

Talk about bullying.

Talk about, as a parent, loving unconditionally.

TALK about suicide. Don't sweep it under the rug.



Just ... talk.  Please.

And hug your kids.

And take the time to remember.

 The boys and I.

Remembering and respecting Rehtaeh in our own small way.

K.

** Pictures of Rehtaeh posted with permission.

P.S.  I'd just like to clarify that by 'Dirtbags', I don't only mean the people who have been charged with crimes against her.  I'm also including the people who tormented this poor girl in person, and through social media, relentlessly.

That's NOT OK!

I thought we had a charge called 'criminal harassment'? Time to put it to use.

And In Other News ...

When I got the news the Ex was coming back to town, one of my first thoughts (aside from how good it was going to be for the boys) was, ‘I may actually get to blog on a ‘regular’ basis again!’

Yeah. So much for that idea.

I was hoping the weekend the boys spent with their dad, after he got back, the first weekend in NINE MONTHS I would be 'kid-free' both physically, and mentally, that I would spend my ‘free time’ here in the Korner, sharing our latest adventures.

Didn’t happen.

Instead, I spent that weekend in bed, as well as the whole following week, with a bad case of bronchitis.


I’m sure there’s an old saying about ‘best laid plans’ in there somewhere …



Although there hasn’t been alot of excitement in the Korner lately ... other than the standard chaos, there ARE a few things I've been meaning to share.



Back in April, Adam was hospitalized for two reasons.

One for the stomach pain he’s been experiencing for the past year +, and also because he started vomiting blood.

After running many tests, including an ultrasound and scope, they’ve determined he suffers from Chronic Functional Abdominal Pain.

Unfortunately, there is no cure or medical treatment for this illness, other than ‘coping mechanisms’.


That wasn’t good enough for me.

After doing some online research, I discovered that a powdered pro-biotic, that contains a specific type of ingredient called B Infantis, as well as Enteric Peppermint Oil Capsules have been successful in helping with the pain.

So I started him on them.

First the pro-biotic, then the capsules.

The capsules seem to work best.

He still gets stomach pains every now and then.

But now, it's every now and then. And not constant.

So that IS an improvement.


While he was in the hospital, his classmates and teacher made him an AWESOME card!

That was really cool of all of them to do so.

Thanks, Guys!!!!!


We still have to see an ENT specialist for the vomiting blood issue, because it’s actually coming from the back of his nasal passage and THEN going into his stomach.

But for now, it seems to have subsided.

Not stopped, but definitely decreased in frequency.

Except for the occasional ‘power nose bleed’ that he gets unexpectedly.

Those really suck.



And now, on to other things ...


I’m behind on my product reviews.

As much as I love receiving ‘free stuff’, I always feel guilty about having that product(s), until I get a review done.

However, I’ve discovered that turning 40 has completely sucked my ability to stay up until 2am blogging.

My brain wants to do it, my body screams NO!


Then again, so does putting your body through the torture of riding the waves at super high speed on a Super Brawler tube, and being thrown from said tube, air-born, screaming, butt-first into the lake.

Pic taken from here.

Yeah, that was me, during an office party at the beginning of the month.

Afterwards, my body decided to give me a big 'ol 'f*ck you and this acting like you're still 20 shit!' and between the back screaming and the neck aching, I could barely move.

Felt like crap for about three weeks after.

Which of course, kept me off the computer.


The body and I have since come to a truce.

No more high speed anything for me for awhile, and I can walk without looking like I was just trampled by a hundred women in 6" heels at a 75 % off Prada sale!


So, in my attempt to catch up, keep watching the Korner over the next few weeks, to see what I thought of the latest ...

Febreze

Facial

Green cleaning ...

... and food products I was sent.

As well as what the boys thought of a new book they received, Unto the Breach, with a personal little note, from Canadian author Sidney Gale.

Also, I received a message the other day, from a girl representing a group of 7 Canadians, trying to win a contest/trip to New Zealand.

They are attempting to compete in the Glacier Country Experience Competition, and I was asked for suggestions on how to get the word out about it, in order to help them win.

This is one way that came to mind ;-)

Check out their contest entry here! And vote for Ponnie and her team to make it to the event to 'win an all inclusive trip to the West Coast of New Zealand, worth over $50,000', to not only watch, but 'play a game of Rugby against the current Glacier Country champions on the number two field; the glacier itself.'



And in other news …

The Ex is back.

For how long is anybody’s guess, but for now, he’s back.

I don’t know the details, don’t really care to.

All I know is that things didn’t work out in Australia.


Apparently he had been thinking of going ‘out west’. But some of you may remember a letter I mentioned in my last post.

That letter Adam wrote was to his father.

Once his dad received it, 'out west' turned into 'back east'.

Home.


For the boys, I think this is a good thing.

As close as we are, I also realize boys need their dad.

And sometimes, despite our leaps and bounds in technology, Skype just doesn't compare to the sound and touch and presence of the real thing.


Hope everyone is having a GREAT summer so far!

Next week, the boys and I are hitting the trees again, at Treego!

Climbing 40+ft in the trees and ziplining!

This should be interesting with bronchitis ...

Dear body, please forgive me!

K.

Little Lucy Clare

Today, I have a special surprise for you.

We have a Special Guest Blogger in the Korner!

A former co-worker and friend of mine has a very important message to share with you all, and I am happy to give her the forum to do so.

In the hallway, lunchroom, elevator, snack shop, and yes, even the bathroom, she would be asked, 'How's Lucy Clare doing?'

Not because any of us was making idle bathroom chit chat, but because those of us who asked, cared.

But ... I'll let Taryn tell you the story of Little Lucy Clare ...


Four years ago I would not have paid attention to an event like Prematurity Awareness Month and I likely would not have even known about the work of the March of Dimes.

Today I am proud to be a supporter of the March of Dimes and their important work.

On March 8, 2007, my niece, Lucy Clare entered this world after my brother, Jonathan and sister-in-law, Mary, made the difficult decision to have an emergency c-section at 25 weeks gestation.

In the weeks leading up to Lucy’s arrival, Jonathan and Mary knew that there was a chance Lucy would have to arrive early. She wasn’t growing and the doctors said that if she didn’t reach 500 grams there would be very little they could do.

We all held our breath as Mary went to each ultra-sound appointment, hoping that this baby (gender unknown to all but them) would grow – just a little bit more, just a few more grams. They were briefed by the ob-gyn on what outcomes to expect if she was born at 32, 30 or 28 weeks.

A few weeks prior to Lucy’s birth they were given a tour of the NICU so that they would be prepared for what they may encounter.

At their last appointment, on March 8, they were told they had to make the difficult decision – wait another week and risk that she wouldn’t survive in utero or deliver that day knowing that the hospital had never had a baby that small survive.

Wanting to just give Lucy a chance, they opted for the c-section.

25 days old: Dad’s wedding band on her arm

Lucy was a micro-preemie in every sense of the word. She weighed only 400 grams (14 ounces) and was just 10 inches in length.

At her lowest, she dropped down to 290 grams.

She was given surfactant therapy – its research was funded by the March of Dimes – for her lungs. She breathed with the help of a ventilator for five weeks before being switched to CPAP for two months and then on nasal canula until she was discharged.

Lucy’s time in the hospital was filled with ups and downs – it often seemed like one step forward and two steps back. She faced many of the challenges that preemies in the NICU face: infection, retinopathy, the struggle to breathe on her own, a heart condition and feeding challenges.

Lucy spent 182 days in the hospital – six long months – before she joined her family at home.

Today Lucy is a happy, funny, easy-going 3 ½ year old who adores her big sister Stella and is starting to enjoy her baby sister Mallory.

She loves books, colouring, watching Yo Gabba Gabba and dancing.

But she still faces many challenges: she takes medication for pulmonary hypertension, she relies on a feeding tube for 100% of her nutrition and she has deteriorating eyesight. She has therapy appointments with a feeding specialist, physiotherapist, and attends weekly sensory motor sessions.

The work that the March of Dimes does through education, Prematurity Awareness Month, March for Babies and so much more, is crucial to helping all babies have a healthy start.

Our family considers itself lucky that Lucy is here today and we want to do everything we can do to raise awareness for prematurity-related issues. It’s our chance to give back just a little bit.

Visit www.marchofdimes.com to find out how you can help!

Thank you, Taryn. Thank you, March of Dimes.

But most of all, thank you Lucy Clare, for being the fighter you were, and continue to be.

You GO, Girl!

This post is proud to be part of the Bloggers Unite: Fight For Preemies initiative!

K.

Today Was The Day. Results Are In.

As many of you know, I've been waiting for test results for Adam. To (hopefully) determine what's been causing his sore stomach issues.

Today was the day. Results are in.


I called home for messages after lunch. Figured I'd wait until then, and if I hadn't heard anything, I'd call the Dr's office myself.

Suddenly, there she was in my ear. The doctor.

She said she had the results, and would I please return her call so we could discuss them.

Damn.

If nothing had showed up, she simply would have said 'nothing showed up', and we would have figured out what to do from there.

But no, she said '... discuss the results.'

That meant there was something to discuss.


OK. That's OK. That means NOW he can be treated for something.


So I immediately called the office.

And had to leave a message.

The Phone Tag game was officially ON.

Just after 6pm, she called back.


One of the results came back positive for parasite.

Dientamoeba fragilis to be exact.

YES! Finally! A diagnosis!

Now we start the antibiotics and hope that's the cure for what ails him.

He will also have to follow up with the doc and be retested in two weeks.


Don't get me wrong, I'm not happy he has a parasite, and god only knows where he got it, but I'm DEFINITELY happy that we finally know what it is, and that he's finally going to be treated for SOMETHING!

We still have to keep the appointment with the specialist, in June, in case it turns out to be something more than the parasite.

But for now, I'd rather we have to deal with this 'intestinal invader', than something like IBS, or Chrones etc.

As long as I don't think too long or hard about what's actually going on inside his little stomach ... or how long it's been there ... or if it's done any type of damage.


When we see the doc in June, I still plan on asking about allergy testing.

If nothing else, than to rule out any possible foods that may have been adding to his stomach issues as well.


I'm now moving on with the expectation that these antibiotics are going to do the trick.

Fix 'im up right good.

On the off chance that they don't, I will be going in to that meeting with the doc and going through my list of what do we do now, and how, questions ;-)


But one step at a time.

For now, I'm going to get this freakin' slimeball OUT of my kid!


One of the scariest things about all this, is realizing how COMMON these suckers are. And as this great article states, 'your best defense is knowledge'.

And with knowledge, will hopefully come prevention.


Thanks for all your good thoughts, wishes and prayers everyone!

They were all VERY MUCH appreciated!

Sometimes it's just nice to not have to worry alone, and all the support reminded me that I really wasn't :-)


K.

I DIDN'T Fail Crap Management 101 After All! WOOHOO!

I owe you all an apology.

I haven't been here in awhile.

A long while.

I'm very sorry about that.

Much like everyone else, I've been going through 'stuff'.

Not an excuse, but it wasn't really stuff I wanted to talk about, but it was also the only thing (s) I've been able to think about lately.


One situation has been discussed through my various Facebook status messages, and I figured my friends over there, wouldn't want to read about it over here too lol.

The other thing that has been eating at me, causing far too many sleepless nights, I had promised myself I wouldn't bring into the Korner, until the time was right.

Everything done.

Then, that everything got blown to hell, and now, I'm still being consumed by something I had hoped to have shared with you all long ago.


I sat down tonight, with the intention of NOT leaving until I'd written a post.

Something light and lively.

But, only two things have been running through my brain the past couple weeks.

1. My kid.


2. Our future.

That's it. Nothing else.

I've got z-i-p.


So, after keeping quiet about everything over the past couple of weeks ... here we go ... get ready for ... the brain dump! (sorry Facebook Friends!)


Adam hasn't been feeling well. Not for awhile now.

I don't believe it's anything 'serious'. Nothing that can't treated.

But I still don't know exactly what's wrong with him.


He has complained of a 'sore stomach' for months, off and on.

Every now and then, other symptoms will appear, then go away.

Others, like a constant pain. 'Like someone's squeezing on my stomach', he says, are always there.


At first, I thought it was a bug.

Then, it went away ... then returned.


I thought it might be psychological.

I like to think I've kept things 'stable' for both of them, since their dad and I split.

Same house, same schools, same summer camp, same sports teams etc, etc, etc.

But let's be real, I'm sure there are issues he faces, that he might not share with me.

Or, something I may not see as an issue, really is for him.

And, I know it's common for kids to complain of sore stomachs when in fact it's something entirely different.


But it continued.

It continued past the 'flu smackdown' we all received just after the New Year.

And it continues still.


Then, when you add another physical symptom on top of that ...

(I promised myself that despite the title, I would try to limit the crappy part of this discussion ... so I'll leave it at that)

... the physical signs can't be dismissed.

I can't wait and see if they're simply going to go away on their own.


Last week, whatever has taken up home in his stomach decided it was time to give him a reminder that it was around.

And it was nasty. Very, VERY nasty.

So much so, that Tues morning, I took him down to the Children's ER.

The resident, poked his stomach, asked lots of questions, ruled out what it wasn't (appendix, food poisoning etc.), and then said his boss would be in to check him out.

The nurses came, took three vials of blood, and were about to send us on our way with our 'sample bottles', when I had to let them know Adam hadn't been actually seen by the doctor yet.

A-hem.

The doc and resident returned, and after another round of poking and questions, we were given a referral to a pediatric specialist, and sent home with our bag of 'sample bottles', but without a diagnosis, and nothing for treatment.

Simply a 'keep him hydrated with Pedialyte or G2, give him Tylenol for the pain, and bring him back if anything changes.'


On one hand, I can understand this.

They don't want to treat until they know what they're treating.

I get it.

What I have a hard time with, is seeing my kid in pain more often than he's not.


I watched him in his sleep one night.

Even then he grabbed his stomach, grimaced, and rolled over in the fetal position. I can only assume trying to get comfortable.

Or, when I was taking them to the park, and looked around into the back seat, to find him silently crying from stomach pain.

THOSE are the things I find harder to deal with.

Not the reasoning behind not wanting to give him anything; simply the result of it.


The next morning ... Problem #1

I take the bag of sample stuff out of my purse and realize there are no instructions. Only the bottles and Adam's hospital card.

When I took the bag from the nurse, I only glanced at it before sticking it in my purse, and didn't notice there weren't instructions.

Or a requisition form for that matter!


So, 7am I'm on the phone with the hospital asking HOW exactly they wanted these samples.

No. I'm not an idiot. I can put crap in a bottle.

HOWEVER, there were four bottles. One of these bottles already had liquid in it.

Was I supposed to do something special with this particular bottle?

Some sort of cocktail?

Shaken? Stirred? On ice? WHAT?!??


The instructions were to simply put a small sample in all four bottles.

The one with the liquid ... to the fill line.

Good enough. I could do that!

Or so I thought ...


The next night, after developing a new symptom throughout the day, we were back in the ER again.

The doctor who saw him had his blood work results, and although he couldn't say exactly what was going on, he could see that one of his white counts was high, which indicated an 'intestinal infection'.

But, it would be 72 hrs after the samples had been brought in, before they knew specifically what was causing his issues.

So again, we were sent home with a ''keep him hydrated with Pedialyte or G2, give him Tylenol for the pain, and bring him back if anything changes.

And call your doctor in a couple of days for the remaining test results.


Up pops ... Problem #2

A couple of days meant Good Friday.

My Dr's office was closed.

So we all waited patiently until Monday.

By this point, the ex and I had already made our armchair diagnosis.


We think it's a parasite.

A particular parasite. Giardia.

Which was one of the things he was being tested for.

It's common in Canada and the US, and you can get it from lakes, hot tubs, improperly cooked food, and water, among a few things.

Adam is at the lake daily much of the year. His friend down the street has a hot tub. We eat take out.

And water ... that could be anywhere, although he's not a huge H2O fan anyway.


On Monday, I called the Dr's office.

Closed.

Easter Monday.

AAARRRAAAGGGHHH!!!

Deep Breath!


On Tuesday, I called for the results, and brought Adam down to follow up with the doc as well.

She poked and asked more questions, then went over the test results, telling me what he didn't have.

'No bacteria, no fungus, no Celiac's or other intestinal disease.'

All great news.

But I still don't know what IS wrong with him.


HELLO! ... Problem #3 ... waving at you over here!

They have to do the parasite test again.

For some reason, they were unable to use the sample I brought in.

EXCUSE ME?!?!?!

Are you telling me I FAILED at Crap Management 101?!?!?

HUH?!?!?

She couldn't tell me WHY they were unable to use it. Only that they were unable to get what they needed from it.

'In the meantime, keep him off milk products for a week to rule out lactose intolerance.' (which had also crossed my mind weeks ago, as well as Celiac, Crohn's, Irritable bowel, Colitis, food poisoning, plain 'ol bug, etc.)

Deep breath.

OK.


Off we go to the ER to pick up more bottles.

This time, I get the instructions directly from the lab tech.

Remember that bottle with the fluid already in it?

Yeah. That one.

There was supposed to be TWO of them, and the samples were to be taken a day apart.

WELL NOW!

Would have been nice to know that the FIRST time!

HRUMPH!

I DIDN'T fail Crap Management 101, after all! WOOHOO!


So now, we wait.

Again.

Until next week.

Which is hard. Really hard.


I'm sending a sick kid to school, who I know is in pain and trying to ignore it.

I wonder if he's paying attention in class or is focused on NOT concentrating on his stomach.

I worry about the time I've had to take away from work to stay home with him, and how it's affected my productivity, and in turn, project deadlines.

I know I can't keep him home indefinitely, until the test results come back. I don't want him to miss so much school, that it would seriously affect his end of year report.

I worry about if it turns out to be a parasite, how long the damn thing has been feeding off my kid and what damage it's done to his insides.


But for now, all I can do is wait.

And treat him with the only tools I've been given ...

Hugs, kisses, and whispers of 'I'm sorry it hurts. I wish I could make it better, Hun.'

And if it's really bad ... a Tylenol for the pain.


This weekend, I plan on googling 'natural alternatives'.

Part of me thinks if I had simply walked into a 'natural/health foods' store weeks ago, he'd be fine by now.


Oh, and I DID tell the technician, when I dropped off this latest round of samples, that if there was anything wrong with THESE, then someone was coming to my house to get the next batch themselves!

And at that point, I will have definitely failed Crap Management 101!


K.

P.S. Don't worry, those 'Our Future' thoughts I mentioned earlier are still running through my brain, determined to get out.

But this post is far too long as it is, so I'll have to save that one for another time, in the near future ;-)

H1N1 Ain't Been No Fun! - The H1N1 Series - Part II

Sorry it's taken so long to follow up on the last post.

I'm sure when you saw 'series' you didn't think it was a WEEKLY series! ;-)

I haven't been in the frame of mind to blog.

Period.

Too much real life to deal with. Good and bad.

'Nuff said.


So, if you're just joining us, the boys and I have NOT had our H1N1 virus shot.

If you're interested in reading my thoughts on this, feel free to check out the first part of this series; NO Shot For YOU! The H1N1 Series - Part I

All caught up?

Alrighty then!

So you know that while the boys and I were waiting to be eligible for the vaccine, we got the flu.

Of course.


It all started when I went to Alec's basketball game on Sunday (couple of weeks ago now).

They were with their father that weekend, but being the first game of the season, I wasn't about to miss it.

During the game, I noticed he was dragging his ass.

I chalked it up to the fact he had been to a Halloween Party the night before from 5-11pm.

I figured the trick or treating and late night had done him in.

When I picked him up from his dad's after dinner, he had just woken up with a headache, and was warm.

Again, figured the trick or treating and late night were taking it's toll.


Took his temp when we got home ... fever. I gave him Advil, and he went to bed.

Next morning, the fever was down, and he seemed fine so I sent him off to school.

By 3:30 when he got home, the fever was up over 100, and all the other symptoms had kicked in.

He stayed home the next day.


When Adam came home from school on Tuesday, he complained of being tired and had a headache.

The fever hit the next morning.

No school for you! Quarantine!


And me? When I went to bed on Tuesday night, I went with the intention of going to work the next morning (if Adam was able to go to school).

Instead?

I woke up with with the freakin' flu!

Full fledged, kicked in, you're not getting your ass out of this bed, flu.


Was I surprised I got it, after Alec started showing signs?

Nope.

You're talking to the girl who's had the double lung surgery, now has 15% less lungs and was diagnosed with COPD awhile back. Immune system less than 100%.

Oh, there's a respiratory pandemic going around?

Yeah, let me just move myself on over so you can come right on in Mr Flu.

Ya little bastard!



For three days my children were basically orphaned.

I COULD. NOT. MOVE.

Thankfully (?) since they weren't feeling well either, and spent most of THEIR time in bed, they weren't very demanding.

Oh ... it's morning? Breakfast? Milk in the fridge, cereal in the cupboard or waffles in the freezer.

Help yourself.

Body crashes back into fetal position.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


Lunch? Already?

Last night's leftovers in the fridge.

Help yourself.

Body CRASH!

It was crazy!

I DID however crawl out to make them dinner.

I had to. The 'guilty mom's' were setting in.

Not that they ate alot. Due to that old 'loss of appetite' symptom.

Me? I didn't eat for three days.

Had a clementine on the third day.


Thursday was spent in much of the same way.

A complete flu-induced HAZE.

Friday? Same.

A few days later, I had to ask Alec what I'd made for dinner on Thursday night.

For the life of me, I couldn't remember.



The flu hit us.

Hard.

Alec and I hardest, and Adam with only a few symptoms.

We spent from Wed - Sun at home (Alec Tues-Sun) and four of those days were quarantined in the house.

We stayed away from everything. Work, school, basketball, etc.

We couldn't have gone anywhere if we'd wanted to anyway.


By the weekend, I had no choice. I HAD to get out and get groceries.

I was out of milk, bread, juice, eggs, etc. All the 'staples'.

And ... I hadn't had a coffee in FOUR DAYS, People!!!!! FOUR DAYS!!!!!

I was seriously jonesin' for a Tim's by then!


When I got to the store, I went straight to the pharmacy and asked if they had any masks.

They didn't.

Which surprised me.

So, I kept my head down, mouth shut, avoided all contact, got my stuff in under 5 min and got out.


I had spoken to the Dr.

I KNEW the diagnoses.

I know the H1N1 symptoms, process, rules, and spiel like a mantra.

If you have a confirmed case do this. If you have an unconfirmed case, but are presenting symptoms, do the same thing.

If you're around someone who is presenting symptoms, but you are fine, go out, live your life as usual.


I spoke to the Clinic when Alec first showed many of the symptoms on Monday night.

Diagnosis? STAY HOME!

I spoke to the Dr again once I started showing them on Wed.

The advice was the same.

Basically, there is ONE flu going around, if you have the identified symptoms, you have it. Stay home. Stay away from people. Treat the fever, headache and cough. Rest.

Period.

And you know what?

Your body doesn't give you a choice anyway.


So here's my take on this flu, and the whole experience.

• * When it hits, it hits HARD and FAST.
• * Don't bother trying to get out of bed, no ... really ... just STAY there.
• * No, that is not a knitting needle poking through your eye and into your brain, it's simply a flu-induced headache, that should be gone in a few days ... really.
• * You did not walk in your sleep and throw your body off a cliff. Those aches and pains? Yeah, thank the virus that's roaming around on your insides.
• * Food? Uhhhh ... no.
• * Cough? Nasty until it's under control.
• * Chills, fever. Yup, yup.
• * And if you have to deal with employers who require notes after 2-3 days ... god help you! Cause you're NOT making it out of the house to get that note!

Nope, H1N1 ain't been no fun!

But there IS an up side to this virus!

Come on, People, you know me! I HAVE to find a freakin' up side to this!

No stomach issues!

Which is a huge WooHoo for people like me who HATE puking with an almighty passion.

And there's another positive to consider.

We've been through it, and recovered, vaccine free.

Our bodies have now (hopefully) begun to build up a natural immunity to it, and this one bout will be the ONLY one ... this year.



There will be NO Part III to the H1N1 Series

When I originally had the idea for this 'H1N1 series', I had three things in particular I wanted to talk about.

The vaccine, actually having this H1N1 and the policies around being absent from work during the pandemic.

I have decided not to include the third post.

The reason I originally wanted to vent about it is no longer an issue.

With help, policy was changed, and people were looked at individually.

I will simply say this; All organizations need to take the seriousness of this pandemic into consideration, when advising their employees on 'sick time policy'.

Bottom line?

Realistically?

People who have come down with this little beast, are simply NOT able to get to the doctor's office on day 2-3. And some, maybe longer!

And do any of us REALLY want to be dragging our sick selves, and sick families down there, to expose and infect others?

Um ... NO!

In this particular case, with this particular flu, common sense needs to be put before 'policy'.

And that's all I have to say about that.


Stay healthy everyone!

K.