"Cough Cough Fat Ass!"

Sometimes, you wonder if your kids are actually hearing what you're telling them.

I don't mean the 'Clean that pigsty of a room!', or 'Turn your music down so I can think!' statements.  I mean the life lessons we try to teach them.

Tell the truth, be kind to people, be a good person.  Those are the things I want them to hear.

And then, there are some days when you just sit back, smile, and think ... 'Yeah ... they get it.'

A few days ago, Adam was walking up the stairs at school when he passed a girl on her way down.  He knows the girl. She is a couple of years older than him so they don't 'hang out', but he knows her to talk to her.

After he had passed her, almost a flight of stairs between them, he noticed another boy making his way up the steps behind him.

When the other boy passed the girl, he coughed into his hand and said, 'Fat ass'.

Now, I have to stop here for a second, and tell you just how much that broke my heart to hear my boy tell me that, to hear that kids are so cruel to each other, for absolutely NO reason. 

What did this girl do to deserve that comment?  NOTHING!  She was simply walking down the stairs, minding her own business.

Does that boy have ANY idea how his words must have cut through that sweet girl? And yes, I know her, she's a sweet girl.

This kind of thing makes me SO angry because it's completely uncalled for and just ... MEAN.

For all of society's talk on ending bullying, I can tell you it's alive and well folks, and thriving in our schools.

My own kid is far from perfect.  He makes mistakes, and sometimes he makes bad choices, but that day, in that moment, he did something I was very proud of.

When Adam heard what the other boy said, he leaned over the railing of the stairs, and yelled down, 'HEY!  Shut the fuck up!!!!'

YEAH!  GO ADAM!!!!

OK, so maybe the language wasn't a mother's proudest moment.  A different choice of words would have been more appropriate, however ... we're talking teenage boys. He was speaking the other boy's language and Adam was making sure he got his point across.

I'm VERY proud of what he did, and yes, even how he said it.  There was no guessing in that statement.  He said what he meant and he meant what he said.

I don't know if the girl heard what Adam said.  Part of me hopes she did, if only so she knows that there ARE people who will stand up for her.  

But, that's the sad part, isn't it? 

She shouldn't NEED to have anyone standing up for her, because statements like 'cough cough fat ass' should NOT be made in the first place.

But that's the society we live in, unfortunately.

There's always going to be mean people who say hurtful things.  I'm just VERY happy that in that moment, my boy spoke up against one of them.

Yeah ... sometimes, they get it.


Now, if I could just get him to mow the damn lawn!

K.

Google Read My Mind Last Night!

I realized the other day that although I may ask questions of my kids, after all these years, I still don't always ask the RIGHT questions.

A few weeks ago, Adam said he was going to 'The Radar' with friends.

All summer, the kids have been swimming in various lakes and for whatever reason, I had assumed The Radar was another place to swim.

We're going to Laurie.

We're going to Oakfield.

We're going to 'Dub J'.

We're going to The Radar.


The Radar, just like one of the other swimming holes.

I assumed.


I did a quick Q & A when I got the call, saying they were going.

Q: 'Where's the Radar?'

A: 'In Beaverbank.'

Q: 'Who's all going?'

A: 'Names Names Names.'

Q: 'How are you getting there?'

A: 'Johnny's driving.' (Johnny being his older brother's friend)


'OK, well be careful and have fun.'

I KNEW I had heard of The Radar, I just couldn't remember in exactly what context.


Because The Radar was still bouncing around in my head a few nights later, with the little nagging doubt, I brought it up to Adam and asked, 'Is the Radar a place to swim?'

He looked at me surprised and said, 'No.'

'Then what is it', I asked.

And that's when he said, 'It's a bunch of big old empty buildings that people go to explore and hang out'.  

And he showed me a few pictures on his phone.


And then it hit me!

The Radar.

THE FREAKIN' RADAR!!!!!

Image taken from HERE

NOW I remembered why I knew that name!  I had seen a posting about it somewhere on the Haunted Nova Scotia Facebook page!

All of a sudden it hit me, and I looked at Adam in shock and asked, 'You KNOW that place is HAUNTED!!!  Right?

He replied, 'Yeah, I know', much more calmly than I would have expected.

"Are you serious? You've been going in there?  What's in there?  Have you seen anything freaky? Should you be in there? Is it SAFE?  It can't be safe!"

All of these questions came flooding out of me in one breath.


First, I was trying to process the fact that my kids weren't going somewhere I thought they were.

They hadn't lied about it, I just hadn't asked enough specific questions.

Then, I was trying to wrap my head around the fact that not only was this place they were going dangerous ... which was MOST important, it's supposedly freakin' HAUNTED, too!

After Adam showed me the pics on his phone, and I Googled a few more, I told them I didn't want them going in those buildings.

It's far too dangerous!!!!

I get that kids like to explore old structures like this, but looking at THIS picture I found online ... I DON'T want my kids in there!

Pic taken from HERE

Now here's where things get freaky.

Last night, I was at my Bestie's house. 

During our sip 'n bitch, I decided I wanted to tell her about the haunted building I found out the kids had been to, and wanted to show her some pictures of it, so she could get the full effect of why I didn't want them in there.

I started off with,'I've got a story for ya! But this needs pictures so you can see what I'm talking about'.

That's all I said.

I then grabbed her laptop, went to Google, and typed the word 'The'.

That was ALL I typed.

Then I lost my shit.

What you see in the pic above, is what came up on the Google drop down when I typed the word 'The'. 

THE. That was it.

I freaked and said, 'OMIGOD!!! THAT'S what I was going to talk to you about!'

When she asked what I meant, I pointed at 'the radar beaverbank ns' that was FIRST in the drop down.

'THIS!', I said, 'THIS is what I was going to type in AFTER the word, The'

My Bestie has NEVER searched for 'The Radar' on Google on her laptop. She didn't even know what it was.


I thought it was pretty freaky, that EXACTLY what I was going to tell her about, popped up in the Google drop down, based on the word, 'The', and she's never searched for it.

Why didn't 'The Chronicle Herald', or 'The Weather Network', or 'The Big Bang Theory' or ANYTHING else with 'The' pop up?

Why was it, 'The Radar', when that's EXACTLY what I was going to tell her about? 

I understand how Google works.  It remembers searches.  It picks up other things you might be interesting in searching. It works with algorithms. Blah Blah Blah.

Which means she must have searched for it in the past.

She said she had never searched for The Radar.

I believe her.


When I got home, I tested it out on my own computer.

I typed, 'The' and first on the list in the drop down was 'The Weather Network'.

I got Alec to try it on his phone and the first thing that came back was 'The Chronicle Herald'.



I believe my Bestie when she says she has never heard of or Googled it.

I also believe that it was an interesting, freaky coincidence, that after only typing the word,'The', the topic of conversation I was about to bring up, was right there, staring me in the face.

Yeah, I choose to believe it was an interesting coincidence.




If you would like to see the inside of The Radar, here are a couple of videos.

The first is a group of ghost hunters exploring the site, who get the crap scared out of them.

The second, is a couple of guys walking around the inside and that's pretty much it.  But you get a good view of the dangers inside it.

Even though I still don't want them in there, I completely get the attraction for the boys and their friends.

Part of me is extremely tempted to check it out myself.  But I know I'd be too scared to set foot past the first door. 

Too many unexplainable freaky things happen in this world.

Like how Google read my mind last night.

Or was it the Radar ... reaching out?

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAH.

K.

Scattering CJ and Remembering Rehtaeh at Peggy's Cove

Everyone reacts differently to losing a child. 

The grieving process is as unique as each person going through it.

There is no specific time to 'get over it'.  There is no right time to 'move on'.

Yet those with the best intentions will often encourage a grieving parent to do just that.

Stop doing that, by the way.  It doesn't help.


There is one hope, however, that all grieving parents share. None want their child to ever be forgotten.

Yesterday the boys and I were honoured to participate in a journey to remember two kids, gone way too soon, when we took a road trip to Peggy's Cove to scatter CJ, and remember Rehtaeh.



Four years ago, CJ Twomey took his life.

His mother, and my friend, Hallie, still feels a sense of responsibility for CJ's death.

Despite the fact she KNOWS that her words or actions alone leading up to the moment of his death, were NOT what made him make that fateful choice, she's his mom.  

She can't separate that logic from emotion.   I most likely couldn't either.


CJ was cremated.  And the longer he sat in an urn in Hallie's house, the more she felt she needed to DO something for him.  


One thing that Hallie did to process her feelings of grief, and more importantly, to keep his memory alive, was to send him on amazing journeys, to some of the most beautiful places in the world, through family, friends and strangers who want desperately to help ease her pain.


She created the Facebook page, Scattering CJ, having no idea it would grow to explode into what it has become today. 

From the Scattering CJ page, Hallie's own words ...

"SCATTERING CJ is my attempt to give my son SOMETHING. It’s a mission to show my son – my crazy, life of the party, lover of people, smile so wide it entered a room before he did son – some of the world that he never got to see. It’s an effort to allow my child to forever rest in locations hand picked by caring friends, family and strangers alike.

It’s simply a chance to put my faith in mankind (a faith that has completely disappeared since witnessing my son end his life) and ask that others help me complete CJ’s final journey."


Despite the fact I knew there were literally thousands of people asking for the privilege to take him to the most beautiful corners of the earth, or exciting events, (or ... ahem ... on space shuttles), I asked Hallie if the boys and I could be part of CJ's journey.

Since I personally think one of the most beautiful places in Nova Scotia is Peggy's Cove, we offered to take him there.  

And she graciously agreed.  And in February, CJ arrived at our house.


We didn't make the road trip to Peggy's Cove right away.

It wasn't the right time of year.  Not for what we were going to be doing.


I was waiting for the 'right' day.

Not too hot. Not too cold. Not too windy. And not raining.

Yesterday (Saturday, Aug 09, 2014) was perfect. Yesterday was the day.


We took CJ to Peggy's Cove in something I consider very special. The box that Alec made me for my birthday.

Hallie still holds CJ very close to her mom heart, so I wanted him to be close to mine. 

As special and important as this journey was to so many, CJ wasn't the only one who came to Peggy's Cove with us.

There was someone else I felt should be there, too.

Before leaving, I ran over to Camp Bow Wow in Dartmouth, and picked out a memory stone, to bring for Rehtaeh Parsons ( Angel Rehtaeh ).

Some of you may remember me telling you about Rehtaeh HERE.

If you don't remember, or have never heard of her, then you REALLY need to know that ... Her Name Is Rehtaeh Parsons!

She still hasn't received justice.  And we still haven't forgotten.

And Rehtaeh Parsons is still her name.


Back to Camp Bow Wow.  I looked at the 5 or 6 memory stones that were in the basket, that had been painted by Rehtaeh's family and thought I picked out the prettiest one.

And I love its message, 'End the Silence'.

I agree.

NOW we were ready to go.

We left mid-afternoon and arrived to a gorgeous sight.

We decided to make our way towards the edge of the rocks first, find a perfect spot to scatter CJ, then we would place Rehtaeh's memory stone on the way back. 

The hardest part was trying to decide WHICH rock we wanted to scatter CJ from.

After some debate, we chose this spot (after those people left).

We got as close to the water as we could, without going in.


We perched on the ledge (wouldn't have been able to do THAT in bad weather!) and I put CJ into each of our hands, then told him that his mother (and father and Connor) loves him, and misses him, and that she's so sorry.

And that I hoped he liked his new home.


As we opened our hands, and CJ went off into the wind and over the water, huge waves roared in and crashed at our feet.

That was kind of cool.

And if you look closely in the video below, for a split second you can see CJ glittering off our hands into the sunshine.


I was so happy the boys were there with me.

To be honest, I was also happy they weren't really creeped or freaked out in any way, (this had been confirmed in an earlier conversation) considering I was asking them to hold a dead boy in their hand, while standing on the edge of a cliff.

Not something every mother asks of her children.

As weird as it may be to some people, my kids knew what this meant to me.

My kids are pretty cool.

We didn't stay long after that.

We headed back to the spot Adam and I had picked out for Rehtaeh.

We had noticed it soon after walking the rocks.

We looked at a couple of options afterwards, well ok ... there were so many nooks and crannies in those rocks, we had a bazillion options!

Most importantly, I wanted it to be tucked away from the water, but noticeable.

We decided on a spot where people were stopping to take pictures of bigger rocks, or the water, or rest, or seemed to be using it as one of the 'main paths' to get closer to the water.

As soon as you stepped down into that clearing, your eyes were drawn to Rehtaeh's stone in the corner.

 

When we had stopped in the spot the first time, I heard a dog barking behind me, somewhere in the parking lot.

When we went back to place her stone, after doing so, I turned around and not far behind me there were two women sitting on a rock, with a dog (notice on the far right of the pic below).

Rehtaeh loved dogs.  I think she would have liked that there was one there at the time. 

The arrow is showing where we left Rehtaeh's memory stone, in the big scheme of things. 


We were done.

We had scattered CJ and remembered Rehtaeh at Peggy's Cove.

I felt a sense of peace and accomplishment.

Our mission was complete.

On the way home, we stopped at a little road side shop and got ice cream.

It just seemed right.

Just like it seemed right that Rehtaeh joined us on our journey with CJ.

Two kids who didn't know each other.

Both gone too soon.

Both I think of often.



Now ... before you go, I ask that you do ONE thing.

Please take a few minutes to watch this video tribute that my boy Adam made for me.

It's pretty awesome!

He captured everything perfectly.

Yes, there's some 'extra' footage of our road trip in there, but we wanted Hallie and Rehteh's family to be able to see everything we did along the way (no, you don't have to watch a full 45 min drive to Peggy's Cove lol).

What you will see, is an Adam masterpiece ;-)

 


Thanks again my boys, for being there.  Couldn't and wouldn't have wanted to do it without you.

And thanks again Hallie, for letting us be a part of this truly amazing journey.

 

CJ Twomey and Rehtaeh Parsons are their names.

They won't be forgotten.

K.

P.S.  I'll never get 'Birthday' ice cream again!  It looked good, but did you know they put cake in there?  

Do you know how soggy cake gets in ice cream?!?!?!?

When The Zombies Attack ... We're Goin' To Walmart!

I learned something new about my 16yr old while on vacation this week.

He is completely prepared (in theory), for a zombie apocalypse.

I'm not even sure how we got on the subject, but at one point, we were driving down the highway, when I turned to him and said, 'Ya know, if the zombies ever DO attack, I'll have to move a step down in the family chain of command, as you know a whole lot more about zombies than I do.'

He turned to me with complete confidence, and said in a firm, clear voice, 'Mom, if the zombies attack ... we're goin' to Walmart!'

I couldn't help myself.   The laughter would NOT be suppressed.

And then, of course, I asked, 'Walmart?  WHY Walmart?'

This time, he looked at me as if I should already know this crucial information.

'Because, it's got EVERYTHING you need!', and then it went something like ...

'Weapons!  First you go to the weapons and get a crossbow.  Gunfire attracts zombies, it's gotta be a crossbow. And right through the brain.'

Can you get a crossbow at Walmart?!?!?!??!

Then ...

'And, it has food!  And sports equipment to use for protection.  And paint to write SOS on the roof.  And electronics, and furniture, and appliances, entertainment, and ... and  ... and ... 

And the list went on and on, until he finally came to ... 'And clothes!  Clothes to change into, in case you run into a zombie in there and shit yourself!'

Well now, I guess he's pretty much thought of everything.

There are many strange things I believe in.  However, zombies aren't one of them. 

And while I don't ever expect to be living through, or at least trying to, a zombie apocalypse, if one ever DOES occur, and you noticed we've gone missing, I'll trust and follow my boy ...

... look for us at Walmart.

I'll be in Sporting Goods. The Mama with the baseball bat, and zombie stompin' attitude.

Bring it, Zombies!  Batter up! ;-)

K.

WHAT Kind Of Freezies?!?!?!?!?

'Hey Mom! Can you please get more of those dildo freezies today?'

..................UM.  OMIGOD!  WHAT DID YOU SAY?, is what sliced through my brain.  

Yes, all in caps.

I just ... wasn't expecting those words to come out after an innocent, 'Hey Mom! Can you please get ...'

Thankfully, (if there IS a thankfully in these types of situations), it came from the 16yr old, and not the 12yr old.

What I actually said, was something more along the lines of ...

'Um.  Pardon me?  WHAT kind of freezies?!?!?!??!

'You know,' he replied; while looking in the freezer, 'those weird looking freezies you got last week.'

And then, he turned to me with a huge grin and a, 'the ones that look like dildos'.


Oh, crap.

Think. Think.  Think.

Suppress the laugh, that's NOT Motherly, Kimberly!



And the worst part ... I knew exactly which ones he was talking about.

Look innocent enough ... don't they?

And then, when you take them out ...

I don't remember exactly how the conversation went after that.  

I sort of blocked it out after dildo, I think.

But it was along the lines of  ...


'ALEC!' 

'WHAT!'

'How do you even know what a dildo looks ....' 


Pause. Blink. Blink.

'MOM! I know what a dildo looks like!', he said laughing.


Sigh.  Eyes close. Shaking of head. Hand up, STOP!



'Nevermind. Yes.  I'll get more today.'

'Thanks, Mom' ... still laughing.





I guess I should have expected that I would eventually have a conversation with him, containing the word 'dildo'.


I just didn't expect it would be in the context of ... freezies.


My apologies to the Ice Pops people.  This was by no means a product review ;-)



And please, everyone, keep in mind ...  

The opinions expressed by my Children, are not necessarily those of their Mother!!!. - Thank you.

K. 

You Got Balls, Baby! YOU GOT BALLS!

See this kid with me?

Yeah. Him.

I’m pretty proud of him, ya know.



No, he didn’t bring home a report card with all straight A’s (although a mother can dream … right?!?!)

No, he didn’t single handedly save a toddler behind the wheel of a runaway car (a la Agent Cody Banks).

And no, he hasn’t solved world hunger, while calculating the equations in his math homework.



What DID he do, you wonder?

He wrote a letter.

That’s it.

A letter.



However, it was a very SPECIAL letter.

It was written to someone who is very important to him.

Someone he had A LOT to say to.

It took him two months to decide what he wanted to say, and how he wanted to say it.

It had to be absolutely PERFECT.



He didn’t sugar coat it. He told it like it was.

He was honest.

Brutally honest, about his feelings.

He took a big chance writing that letter, because he was unsure of the reaction of the person who would be reading it.

But in the end, he didn’t change a word.

Regardless of the potential consequences, he clicked ... SEND.

And for that, I’m SUPER proud of him.



I had nothing to do with his letter. Didn’t contribute a single word.

He told me I was allowed to read it, but wasn’t allowed to ask him to change any of it.

Because they were HIS feelings.

Right or wrong … HIS.

And for that, I had to respect him.



On the drive to school later that morning, my boy and I were talking about his letter.

There was a part of me that STILL couldn’t believe he’d actually sent it.

The outcome of sending it could have gone many ways.

Luckily, for now, it has a happy ending. So for my boy(s), I’m happy.



At one point, I looked over at him and said, ‘Well, you definitely inherited your mother’s moxy!’

‘What’s that mean?’, he asked.

With a smile, I said ‘You got balls, Baby! YOU GOT BALLS!’

Gee … I wonder where he gets that trait from?!?!??!

K.