An Open Letter to Assholes Everywhere

Hey! You! Asshole in the little yellow VW Bug that parks in front of me and leaves me 1/2 an inch to squeeze out from behind you. Yeah, YOU!

Is it really that hard to give someone a little space?!?! It's called respect for other drivers Buddy! Learn it. Live it.

Or parallel park your little ray of sunshine on another street. Cause next time I need to get out, I'm gonna drive over that little piece of sh*t in my Mom-mobile and squish you like the Bug you are!

Hey! You! Asshole who doesn't know how to use a MERGE lane. Yeah, YOU!

I know it's probably been a few years since you've had to write your drivers exam, but really ... the rules haven't changed ... MERGE does NOT mean attempt to plow into the side of the car next to you, so you can be that 1/2 second ahead in the traffic jam. Back the f*ck off!!!! One for one Buddy ... it's a concept, LEARN IT!

Hey! You! Ball hog on the basketball team. Yeah, YOU! (OK, so I have a hard time calling a teenager Asshole)

Other kids want to play too. Other kids want to make 'the shot' too. You're not the only player on the team ... stop playing like you are! Passing the ball. Try it sometime!

Hey! You! Asshole with 20 items in the '10 Items or Less' xpress checkout. Yeah, YOU!

You really bug me. Know that? Why do you feel you've been given special permission to not only cut in front of others CLEARLY on their way to the same lineup, but to hold up said lineup for the rest of us, cause you needed extra crap today and now you've got to get out ... FAST! Use one of the other lanes Einstein ... oh ... wait ... Einstein could count ...

Hey! You! Asshole who asks for my Name and Address every time I want to purchase pre-paid phone minutes. Yeah, YOU!

Why the hell do you want - or better yet - NEED this freakin' information? I'm buying phone minutes. Not applying for a car loan. You don't need my name. You don't need my address or phone number. STOP ASKING ME!!!! It's none of your business!!! If I want you to find me, I'll give you my CELL number. That's 1-800-Not-Your-Business!

Hey! You! Drunk Asshole who tried to pick me up at the end of the night. Yeah, YOU!

What part exactly, had you confused that I wasn't interested? The fact I kept walking away from you, or the fact I finally ran away to hide in the bathroom until you were gone? When a girl scrunches up her nose like she smells something really bad when you approach her ... it's probably a good sign she is NOT interested in making small talk when the lights come on at 2am! Go find Drunk Assholette and talk to HER instead!

BTW ... do you drive a yellow VW Bug?!?!?!?

Hey! You! Asshole who charges the elevator before the doors are even finished opening! Yeah, You!

Why do you feel the need to rush the elevator? Is there someone chasing you? You can't wait the two seconds for the people who are on there to GET OFF first? It's called being POLITE! You should really give it a try sometime, instead of running people over to get to whatever important place you're going to!

And may an elevator door rip your arm off!

HEY! You! Asshole at McDonald's and Subway who organizes the veggie placement. Yeah, YOU!

Is it really that hard to keep the onions AWAY from the lettuce when you're making my food? I can't tell you how many times I've taken that first bite of my McChicken or Sub and got a big mouthful of ONIONS. Not a good thing for someone who HATES onions! Just ask my mother!

I'm not expecting a hot meal ... or god forbid even a good one ... just keep the freakin' onions OFF my food!

HEY! You! Asshole who orders sandwiches and toasted bagels in the drive-thru lineup. Yeah, You!

If you're getting something other than coffee/tea/muffin ... get out of your freakin' vehicle and GO IN THE STORE!!! You're holding up the line for the 12 cars behind you who ONLY want a coffee/something quick! Consideration. Maybe you can order some with your next cuppa Joe?

Hey! You! Asshole Co-workers! Yeah, You!

Nah ... just kiddin' ... I like 'em, and you'd never read it here if I didn't! ;-p

Hey! You! Asshole who left the bread on the counter all day and it ended up getting hard and going bad! Yeah, YOU!

Oh ... wait ... that was me.

Ahhhh blogging. Cheaper than therapy, and doesn't require police intervention.

K.

No Dress-Up For You!

Halloween.

Treats. Ghosts. Tricks. Costumes. More treats ;-)

These are the things that instantly come to mind when I think 'Halloween'.

Every year in school we had our annual Halloween party. People brought treats, we dressed up in our costumes, played music & games, and had a party.

My boys have had these each year also. They've brought their costumes to school, usually along with a kitty litter cake I'd made the night before, and had their party.






Until this year.

They still had their parties. Alec had the option of bringing his costume, and did not. Too 'cool' for that this year ya see. Being in Jr High and all.

Last week, I received a notice home from Adam's teacher regarding the party. NO COSTUMES ALLOWED. There would be a class party, but no dressing up.

Instead, they were asked to pick a favourite teddy hear, and use their imagination to dress THEM in costume. It was also stressed that these costumes had to be 'home made' and not of the 'Build A Bear' variety.

I'm not quite sure why they were not allowed to dress up. Perhaps costumes are being ruined, lost or stolen at school? Perhaps the teachers are trying to keep the 'my costume is better/cooler/more expensive than yours!' down to a minimum in the elementary classes?

Who knows.

I was a little sad for him.

I remember how much fun it was to bring the costume to school, and dress up with all your friends. It was a great opportunity to see what everyone was wearing. Even those who you wouldn't necessarily see when you were out trick or treating.

Adam was disappointed too, but what can ya do?

You find a bear, use the imagination and come up with THIS creation to bring in to the Halloween Party!


A platinum haired, super caped in the latest towel fashion, ninja turtle masked, bling and WWE belt wearin', chain saw totin' BAD BEAR DUDE!



No dress-up for you kid ... but the Bear is good to go!



Hope everyone had a Happy Halloween!



K.

This Family Friendly Blog Is Rated 'R'

Alright, all of my kid's friends, their teachers, my co-workers, family members and any religious fanatics who stubmle into my Korner ... STOP reading this blog NOW!

I've been rated!

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Dating Site - No I wasn't cruising the dating site, just wanted the rating!

I received this 'R' rating, because I've used the words

ass (4x)
dead (3x)
fart (2x)
death (1x)

Ok, ass I can understand. Sort of. But ...

FART?!?!?! You get an 'R' rating for the word FART these days?!?!?! Gee ... I'd try and clean it up by referring to it as ... anus airing ... but I find that word 'anus' just too damned creepy!

So much for my 'Family Friendly' blog! Go figure! Those people who created the 'rating system' are just a bunch of ... of .... Fartheads!!!

Fart - fart - FART!

There! I feel better :-)

Now stop reading this R rated trash and go out and play!

Have a great weekend all!

K.

Gee ... I Wish She Was MY Mom! NOT!

The ex told me a very disturbing story on Sunday. Then he showed me the video.

Apparently a 31yr old mother drove her 12yr old daughter to a park, so the daughter could (attempt to) kick another 13yr old girl's butt.

Why? 'because she was talkin' stuff', according to the daughter.

Once it looked like the 13yr old was winning the fight, she was dragged by her hair off the daughter, BY THE GIRL'S MOM!!!!

Who knew it was a Mother & Daughter Tag Team Match!

Mom is now up for Mother Of The Year on charges.

See for yourself ...




Ya know, I'll be the first to admit that if anyone tried to seriously harm my child, I'd have to rip them apart. It's just a mother's instinct to do so.

Forget Basic Instinct. Mother's Instinct is the High Priestess of ALL instinct ;-)

Having said that, I couldn't imagine driving my child to a fistfight!

To the mall, a school dance, a friend's house sure, but an organized fistfight? And then to watch? What the hell was this Mother thinking?!?!?!

What were all the OTHER people who were standing around WATCHING thinking?

Of course I wouldn't want to stand by and see my kid getting the shit kicked out of them, but ... HELLO ... D'oh-Hole ... Mama DROVE her there to get (give) the kickin'!

If I happened upon my kids like this fighting, yes, I'd like to think I'd be able to break it up, but NOT like this!

Unfortunately, this isn't the first time something like this has happened.

In 2005, a 26yr old mom boarded a school bus, daughters in tow, and insisted her 9yr old daughter assault her 10yr old bully. To 'take care of her business'.

You can view that video, if you wish, HERE.

In 2007, she was convicted. Mom sentenced to year in jail for role in bus fight.

And we wonder 'what's wrong with kids today?!'

Yeah. I wonder.

Maybe cause Mama's up on charges for beating up your classmates?!?!?

Gee ... wish she was MY Mom! NOT!!!!

As a side note, I'd like to thank my own Mother for being the wonderful human being that she is. For being a 'perfectly normal' Mom who gave me her love, attention, and a damn fine childhood. Waited patiently for me to stop being a b*tch through my teenage years, and became my friend as an adult.

And Thanks Mom, for not beating up my classmates.

K.

Scrape Up Some Money ... And Buy A Ham

S'cuse me, while I kiss this guy!

There's a bathroom on the right

The ants are my friends, they're blowin' in the wind

And now we can add to that ... Scrape up some money, and buy a ham.

Did you know there are multiple websites dedicated to Commonly Misheard/Sung Song Lyrics?

Of course there are!

Brad Paisly and Keith Urban have a new song out that has been getting alot of play on the radio lately, Start A Band.







One part of the chours says:
When you’re living in a world that you don’t understand
Find a few good buddies, start a band

The other night, it was on while we were driving and after that particular part Alec asked, "Mom, what's he saying in that last line?"

I said, "Find a few good buddies, start a band. Why?"

"Ohhhh OK! I thought he said 'Scrape up some money, and buy a HAM!!!'"

I had a sudden mental image of Brad and Keith onstage, rockin' out to 'Scrape up some money, and buy a HAM'

Yeah. I lost it. Why do I always have these moments when I'm DRIVING?!?!?!

K.

Oh, and feel free to leave a comment as to what you think the REAL lyrics are, for the first three commonly misheard ones at the top of the post.

I Spent Thanksgiving With Carrie Underwood!

It was a low-key Thanksgiving weekend in the Korner this year. We didn't go anywhere. We stayed home. Had Thanksgiving dinner just the three of us on Monday evening.

On Saturday, we did the 'normal' sat things we usually do. Then Alec had a friend over in the afternoon, who stayed for a sleepover. It was a beautiful weekend here, the boys were outside on the trampoline for two days. Nice :-)

Sunday was another quiet one. Just the kids and I kicking around the house. Until late afternoon.

Around 3:30 I dropped Adam off at Basketball practice, ran down to the grocery store and picked up a kick ass ham for Thanksgiving dinner the following evening. Dropped Alec and the ham (temporarily) off with his father and then hit the highway to pick up the best friend for the Carrie Underwood/ Little Big Town concert that night!

Click to enlarge all pics

*****Side Note *****

I'm happy to report there were no vehicle mishaps along the way!

We were fashionably late of course, but that enabled us to avoid the rush to find a parking spot just before the concert, and we ended up finding a perfect spot on a side street, only half a block away :-)

We had to find our seats in the dark, but with the help of the Usher Chick, we were there in no time. COOL! We had decent seats!

Little Big Town ... live ... FANTASTIC!

At the end of Intermission, the CARRIE COUNTDOWN appeared!

It was just a fluke that I caught it at 4:44

Then, Carrie hit the stage and the place went NUTS!

OK, I like guys and all, but this is one HOT chick!

And absolutely BEAUTIFUL!

She brought a little girl from the audience up on stage during All American (Canadian in our case) Girl.

She had five outfit changes in total.

Did you notice that's the same dress?

That's something I missed having my face stuck to the lcd screen instead of watching it all live. One minute she was in that full length gown, I looked from the screen to the stage and in that second, the whole bottom half just 'whisked' off her! It was pretty cool :-)

But I missed exactly how it happened, I just sort of caught it flying mid-air LOL

Obligatory Butt Shots for all my male friends / readers ;-p

She was awesome. A fantastic concert!

You can view all concert pics HERE!

Afterwards, we picked up the boys at their Father's, where they had enjoyed their Thanksgiving / turkey dinner earlier that evening.

We were starving by the time we got there, so the ex was nice enough to make us leftover turkey sandwiches!!!

After we stuffed ourselves, we lugged the two half-sleeping boys to the truck and headed home, still discussing the great night we'd had.

Little Big Town, Carrie Underwood, delicious Turkey Sandwiches, a kick ass Ham for our Thanksgiving meal and healthy sleeping kids in the back seat ... yup, I had LOTS to be thankful for this year :-)

K.

Rocky Horror Memories

Someone unknowingly brought back a great memory for me the other day. Thanks Denise!

Almost 20 years ago, I saw a movie with my ex and a bunch of our friends. I only saw this movie once on the ‘big screen’, but it was a night and experience I’ll never forget!

A popular theatre in the area was closing and they were giving a final midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Let There Be Lips!

Have you ever seen this movie?

WOW!

Don’t run out and rent it if you haven’t, it’s just not the same unless you experience it LIVE!

When we got to the theater, I wasn't sure if I had arrived to see a movie, or attend a costume party?!?!?

People waiting in line were dressed in their PJ's, raincoats, wedding dresses and all sorts of outfits that looked like a bus on the way to a retro convention had exploded in the parking lot.

After everyone was inside and had taken their seats, we had to wait for almost 15 minutes while the theater dude was trying to quiet the crowd. They wouldn't start the movie until the yelling and craziness had stopped.

Poor guy. Nobody was listening to him. Nobody could HEAR him LOL.

Finally, one of the guys in our group stood up, cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled "SHUT THE FU*K UP!!!!!!!!"

You could hear a pin drop.

Then thunderous applause!

The theater dude slunk sheepishly back to the control booth and finally started the movie.

Did I mention I've never been to anything like this before? I had NO idea what I was in for!

is definitely a cult classic. Those who attend this movie, for the most part, have seen it a million times. They know the dialogue and songs and bring the term 'audience participation' to a whole new level!

Not only were people dressed up like their favourite characters, they had PROPS!

Toast, rice, toilet paper, newspapers, water guns, things I had no idea what they were, and so many things I can't even remember.

The audience shouted things back to the characters onscreen. - Did you know you can buy an Audience Participation Soundtrack on Amazon.com? And you can find an audience participation script HERE.

When the characters got married, the audience threw rice, during the dinner scene, they threw toast, and lookout when it rained!!! The squirt guns were pulled out and the crowd got soaked!

So THAT'S why people had newspapers over their heads?????

For over 30 years, people have been jumping out of their seats, running down to the front of the theater so they can dance the 'Time Warp' with their beloved characters.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show is all about audience participation. You can sing, yell, dance and throw things when normally this type of behaviour would get you thrown out!

You can try and watch the MOVIE when you go to the Rocky Horror Picture Show ... but if you do, you'll miss the best part of the SHOW ;-)

Like I said, the sights, the sounds, the characters in the audience ... it was totally awesome! A night I'll never forget!

Or maybe it was just the brownies .... 'Wadda ya mean we just saw Sound of Music?!?!?' ;-p

Let's do the time warp aaaaggggaaaaiiiinnnnn ......!!!!!



K.