Saturday, January 2, 2010

Damn You Jim Reeves, AND Your Old Christmas Card!

Once, during an argument, my ex threw out the statement that I 'still haven't gotten over your dad's death!'

That was after we separated, so it would have been going on a couple of years after dad died.

At the time, I disagreed with him. I told him that yes, I missed him, and always would, but I thought I was moving along with life nicely.


It's been over 7yrs now, and I wouldn't be honest if I said I didn't miss him.

And still think about him at certain times.

One of those times is Christmas. Obviously.

And there are two Christmas songs that always remind me of him.


I heard Kenny & Dolly's 'I'll be home with bells on' many many many times this year. It originally came out when I was Alec's age, 13.

It became even more personal as I grew up, because I always went home for Christmas.

And though it still brings back memories, it didn't bring on an emotional reaction this year as it had in the first few years after dad was gone.

That argument with the ex came back to me, as it does at times, and I thought to myself, maybe I'd 'moved on' another step in 'getting over it.'


On Christmas Eve, long after the boys had gone to bed, I was wrapping presents.

I was tired, and the emotional guard was down when it came on the radio.

That song.

Dad's song.

Jim Reeves, singing An Old Christmas Card.

Damn you Jim Reeves, AND your old Christmas card.

I was doing OK until I heard that song.



My fingers stopped wrapping.

I closed my eyes and could picture, clear as day, my father saying to me, 'turn that up Kimberly!' as this would come on the radio, then him turning to my mom and saying 'let's dance Di.'

And he'd either take her in his arms, right there in the kitchen, or drag her into the living room.

For so many years, this memory had been my reality.


I didn't even realize I was crying, until that first teardrop made a small 'thwack' on the wrapping paper still in my hands.

But I didn't try to stop them.

Not that night.

Not during that song.


I do think I've 'gotten over' my dad's death.

As well as any person can anyway.

But I do still have my moments, like Christmas Eve, when I'm alone, and the guard is down.
Moments that bring me back, make me remember, and sometimes, make me sad that will never be again.
But then the song ends.

I wipe the remaining tears on my sweatpants, pick up the tape, and continue to wrap the present that was momentarily forgotten.

And simply did what we all have to do when that song ends ...

Just keep wrappin'.


Cause Christmas morning is going to come.

And two boys are going to rush expectantly into the living room to see what Santa left under the tree.

And life is going to go on.

As it does.


And all we can do, is just keep on wrappin' ;-)

I hope all of you, and yours had a wonderful Christmas/Holiday, and all the best in 2010!
K.

6 comments:

SueS said...

That was nice, Kim. I could picture your Mom and Dad in your kitchen in Bathurst as I was readinig it! Thanks for sharing.

Hayley Crow said...

:)

I too have moments like this when I think of my dad. He passed away when I was 12, so it's been a great many years. I still haven't gotten over it, and I don't think I ever will. We shouldn't have to. It's our family, our loved ones, and well, a part of us. I am grateful for the memories I get to keep and those tears, even though painful, are also joyful. Thanks for sharing!

wayne ritchie said...

hey sweety hope your x-mas was a great one. Funny how little things like a song take you back. i wasn't as close to my dad but in the later years we solved our differences. To this day something will happen or someone will say something and i hear my dad saying you will go through this or that sometime. The funny thing is those things he tried to prepare me for i had to go through and experience and i can still hear that little chuckle and i told you so to this day. We don't ever get over it..that is a way of denial and not execpt what has passed. We will always have those times of remembrance and that is what getting over it means... wayne

Trish said...

Stopping in from SITS happy Sharefest Saturday!

Sounds like you have some nice memories of your dad, and that is great!

Dorothy Rimson said...

A Very Very Happy New Year 2010 To You :-)

Kim's Korner said...

Sue - Thanks :-) It's amazing that I couldn't tell you what I had for lunch last tuesday, but I have some great memories from 'home' still buried in theer ;-)

Hayley - I think you're right. I think if you're close to your parent, a part of you never REALLY feels 'over' it.

Wayne - Heeeeey! You're writing on my blog! :-) xmas was good! Hope you guys had a good one too, and are enjoying the new house!

And you're right Wayne. There are still many times that I wish I could get my dad's opinion/experience on something.

Welcome Trish and Dorothy! Hope you both had a great new years and holidays as well.