From the Beach to Tornado in a day ... Summer Vacation Adventures Part II

Hey all,

Another summer vacation adventure I wanted to share :-)

This past week, after our beach adventures, we spent a couple of days in a little village in the Miramichi. On one of those days, we experienced tornado weather! On Sat morning, my status message on one of my online accounts was questioning 'how I was going to get the golf-ball sized hail stone dents out of my vehicle when I returned home.' Sure enough ... we had a tornado in little old Blackville, NB where we happened to be visiting LOL.

Friday morning was absolutely beautiful and stifling HOT! We were no longer at the beach, but had two pools to choose from in which to spend the afternoon :-) Between the adults and kids and fact we only had one vehicle, I made two trips bringing everyone over to where we would be for the afternoon.

The kids were able to swim for about an hour when it clouded over very suddenly. You knew immediately that it wasn't one of these 'cloud passing over the sun' type of clouds ... this was one HUGE nasty black blanket covering the sky. Then, just as we said, "time to pack it in guys' the thunder started.

As I brought the first load of passengers back to the house, the rain started. On my way back to get Alec and his cousin, the HEAVY rain started. I was just rounding the corner to the house where they were waiting when the hail started. At first, I thought it was huge rain drops hitting my vehicle, then realized that they were hitting far to HARD to be rain ... then I could see it through the sheets of rain ... Hail ... BIG hail!!! First weekend of August, swimming not 15 minutes earlier, and now there was golf ball sized hail pelting down on my vehicle, and all around me!

I pulled into the driveway, and the kids ran out from under the cover of the veranda, while I stared around in amazement! HUGE hail was beating down on the boys as they ran and they couldn't get in fast enough with yells of "Do you see that! Holy WOW! Do you see that hail mom/aunt kim?!?!' LOL.

Yeah ... I saw it! And could feel it cracking down onto the truck! I tried to get a pic through the windshield, but as you'll see below, it didn't capture much more than the sheets of rain.




Then I tried to roll down the window, and managed to get a couple of quick shots while getting smacked in the face with little ice rocks! LOL

We pulled out of the driveway and it kept coming. Alec's cousin mentioned he was worried about his dad driving back from 'town' in this and hoped he was ok.

Then it started to slow in a matter of minutes. The hail stopped, but rain and thunder and lightening continued.

On the way home, we got stuck behind a big dump truck. Just stopped in the middle of the main road with his hazards flashing. A few cars drove by in the opposite lane, but made a bit of a circle around him. Traffic was starting to build up behind me, so when I saw a break, I went around him, and that's when I saw the downed wire. Not sure if it was power or phone but it was draped all over the truck, and now we were driving over the end of it ... YIKES!

Made it home without further incident though :-) and continued to watch the huge black mass move over us as the lightening shone through it sporadically. We took a drive later in the evening once the sun came out, to my cousin's camp 'back in the woods'. Trees were knocked down along the main road, and we had to take a detour, and one just missed my cousin's camp by a couple of feet. Fell perfectly straight across the back of it. Another couple of feet in, and it would have come right down through it.



On his way home during the hail storm, my cousin looked 'across the way' and said he swore he saw a tornado. Funnel and all and watched it as he drove, not really believing what he was seeing. Wondering if he should pull over, but wanting to get home.

The whole front hood of my vehicle is now covered in dents from the hail. There are also some on the roof ... but it's more so noticable on the hood. People have had the 'OMIGOD ... HAIL did that?!?!?!' When they see the hood LOL. Today, I showed it to/discussed it with a number of people and they came to the same consensus ... I'd need a new hood and have it painted. Would cost at least $1000 just for the hood, not the roof. It's not worth having my insurance go up if I claim it, after paying the deductable, when I know it's almost reached it's limit before resale. I was hoping to trade it in next spring, and as long as it runs well until then ... fine ... but I'd never see any value back in anything I put into it right now. And definitely not worth the insurance hike because of a freak of nature LOL. I've decided it will just have to remain a conversation piece of the vehicle ... and wear it's tornado war wounds proudly LOL.

Sure enough ... there was a tornado watch issued that day. I happened to google 'tornado in NB this morning, on a hunch, and sure enough, found one of my aunts quoted in a CBC news article LOL. Funny thing was, I didn't see this particular aunt on this visit, but apparently we had the same experience in the storm.

From CBC news article/weather warning:
"A tornado warning has been issued for the Miramichi area and RCMP are cautioning New Brunswickers about high winds that have knocked over telephone poles and trees.

Environment Canada reported at 3:30 p.m. AT that people in or near the Miramichi area should be on the lookout for adverse weather conditions and take safety precautions.

Environment Canada reported earlier Friday that winds were moving eastward at 90 km/h, pushing a line of thunderstorms from western and northwestern New Brunswick.

RCMP in Grand Falls report fallen trees blocking roads in the Perth-Andover, Plaster Rock and California Settlement areas, and thousands of New Brunswickers are without power after lines were downed.

Meanwhile, in Blackville there were reports of golf ball-sized hail denting cars. "Well the hailstones are pretty well all done," said *****, who works at the Blackville post office, at 4 p.m. "They were as big pretty near as golf balls and as hard, and I had a brand-new truck sitting out here and it's all dented."

A severe thunderstorm warning issued by Environment Canada said a warm and humid air mass over the province was providing ideal conditions for severe thunderstorms today.

"These thunderstorms could produce gusty winds in excess of 90 kilometres per hour, large hail greater than two centimetres, heavy rain of more than 25 millimetres per hour and intense frequent lightning," the warning read.

Officials at Environment Canada spotted small hail and funnel clouds in northern Maine, moving towards the region."

I'm 36 yrs old and I've never seen anything like it in my life. I was just amazed and couldn't really believe I was seeing it, and wasn't quite sure what was going to happen next. I clicked my flip flops a few times ... but it didn't seem to help. I KNEW I should have packed those red slingbacks ;-) We did all make it home safe and sound though, so once again ... Thanks Fates!!! :-D

Nite all.
K

Everything Happens For a Reason ... Proven to me yet again

Hey all!

Hope everyone is having a wonderful Summer!

The boys and I returned home from a week's vacation at the beach around 6:30 pm tonight. I'm exhausted. We had a wonderful time! I'm burnt ... physically from the sun and mentally from the vacation lol, but overall it was great! It's an unbelievable feeling to wake up, open your door, walk out into the morning sun, stepping immediately into warm sand, and you're looking at nothing but miles of blue water :-)

After four days of playing with family at the beach, we headed to another relatives house to visit for few days. We arrived mid-evening, and after letting the boys and their cousins play for a couple of hours, while I caught up on the family news, they were definitely ready when I said it was time for bed. The grown-ups talked far too late into the night, and I was exhausted when I finally got my butt into bed.

The boys and I were sharing a room. Adam and I sleeping on the bottom bunk (double) and Alec on top bunk (single). As tired as I was, I figured (hoped) I'd just crash, and flipped through a People magazine while waiting for sleep. It didn't come. As badly as I wanted to, I couldn't fall asleep, and I couldn't figure out why. I should have. Four days of salt air, non stop 'family fun', going to a pub for a couple of drinks the night before we left, to get re-acquainted with my cousin who I hadn't seen since we were young children .... drive the next day, staying up far too late shooting the sh*t with my cousin, his wife and my aunt ... I SHOULD have crashed immediately! LOL I didn't. About half way through People, I found out why.

First, let me mention a couple of things ....

In the last few years, I have become a VERY SOUND sleeper. When I'm out, I'm out and it really takes alot to wake me up. So much so, that I slept through a hurricane we had here a few years ago LOL. The ex was out with the fire dept. My mom was visiting and she and the boys were watching the wind, rain and destruction, and aside from waking up for a few minutes, by the ex scaring the crap out of me, dressed in full fire gear telling me he was going out with 'the crew' in the storm ... I fell right back asleep, not realizing the severity of 'the storm', and slept through the whole thing LOL. So had I crashed on this particular night, as I had hoped to, what happened next may very well have had a completely different ending.

The other thing, is that Alec is prone to talking in his sleep. And walking on occasion. A couple of times, about 4 yrs ago, he came out onto the deck where the ex and I were sitting. He was sleepwalking. He'll also talk to you, somewhat coherently in this state as well, but not realize he's doing any of it. On occasion, he has night terrors. I installed a deadbolt at the top of the front door LOL. No really ... I did :-) He's since stopped walking, and haven't had the need for the extra lock for some time, but still talks at least a couple of nights a week. More so when he's tired as most of us do. Myself included :-)

So I'm laying there, and after a good 40 minutes of unsuccessfully willing sleep to just finally take over, and getting rather bored reading about Paris, Lindsay and Brittney's latest 'escapades', Alec started moaning loudly and his right hand gripped the side of the bunk railing. I put the magazine down and immediately the mother's instinct started kicking in and for some reason, all senses were on full alert ... the next thing I knew, he's sitting up, and screaming 'I want to go home, I want to go home, I want to go home !!!' Over and over. All in his sleep.

Thankfully I was sleeping on the outside of the bed. I threw the People, and jumped up just in time to catch him flinging himself headfirst over the railing. He was sound asleep. Alec's a good sized boy. Weighs more than I do. Not a whole lot. But more nonetheless. Dead weight asleep. He had both hands, white knuckled gripping the railing, his eyes were open wide and staring at me, screaming, and I had both hands on his chest, feet spread apart, bracing myself against him, trying to hold him back from throwing himself over headfirst. All the while saying "Alec hon, you're ok, you're in bed, wake up, you're ok, etc.' And all the while, he's pushing against me trying to get over the railing.

Then, the mom's eye in the back of my head catches Adam running across the room with the blanket over his head LOL. I wasn't sure if he was awake or asleep himself, so I just turned my head around and told him "It's ok bud, Alec's just having a bad dream, hang on, stay right there for a minute.' Then I turned my attention back to Alec who was still yelling/mumbling.

When I looked at him and said his name, his eyes focused and he screamed again LOL. I told him he was just having a bad dream, talked to him for a bit, and then he was calm ... wondering what was going on. It all happened and was over in a matter of minutes. Once he was 'awake' I had him get down from the bunk, and we put the mattress on the floor. Then I tucked all three of us back in bed, and kept a light hand on each boy's shoulder ... just in case :-)

Once I was settled in again, it hit me. Had I not been awake, wishing I was asleep, he would have been a dead-weight head first on a free fall, and god only knows what he would have broken when he hit that floor, if he didn't break something hitting the dresser first on the way down, depending on how he fell ... and I wouldn't have heard a thing, until it was too late.

My thoughts went back to how I had desperately wanted to go to sleep, I was CRAVING my sleep, but 'something' wouldn't let me slip into that blissful state of unconsciousness ... why?

After we moved the mattress onto the floor, and got Alec was settled and sound asleep again, I lay there for another half hour or so, thinking of all the possibilities ... of what 'could' have happened. What if'ing it to death, 'what if he'd cracked his head', 'what if he broke his neck' 'what if ... what if' ... but every few seconds, the same thought kept coming to mind ... 'don't question it, you were awake, everything happens for a reason'. So I shut off the 'what ifs' as best I could and focused instead on saying 'Thanks Fates!' and the plans for the following day.

Yup, everything happens for a reason. I can honestly say that was the last thought that drifted through my head that night, when I finally fell asleep :-)

And now ... I'm off to hit the sack and get some sleep again :-)

Night all!

K

The opposite of 'sleeping in' until noon is ......

Hey all!

This one is for all those who have been woken up 'abruptly' in the morning :-)
Last weekend the boys were with their father. On the weekends they're with him, being someone who LOVES her sleep ... I try to sleep in one of the two days . At least a little bit. 'Sleeping in' meaning not opening my eyes until sometime after 10:30am.

That saturday, after a week-long session of meetings that were particularly taxing to the brain and even physically draining, I was looking forward to a body catch up and slept in until NOON! It was absolutely AWESOME! This past weekend ... not quite!

On Sunday morning, at 9am my eyes flew open to the sound of pots (drums) being banged on (in the living room) with the big stainless steel spoons, and my 7 yr old (who I heard getting up about 15 min earlier) singing at the top of his lungs "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves ... I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, and this is how it goes ..... AGAIN!!! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves ..."

AAARRRRRRAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! YES! IT DOES!! Including your mother's!!! Make it stop!!!! Sigh ... where's my coffee???

What ever happened to the old fashioned "Good morning Mommy, did you sleep well?" :-D

Nite all!
K

I met the Ex's new live-in Girlfriend for the first time last night :-)

Hey all,

Thought I'd share a personal little tidbit with you today :-) There are certain thoughts on different topics that I won't post online. Various aspects of my 'personal life' being one of them. And when I do post, I always try to do so from the perspective of 'would I want my kids to read this about me/their father/family 10-20yrs from now? ;-) But I don't think anything I've chosen to say today would shock them about their mother, and I thought it would give you a bit of further insight into my 'personality' if you haven't figured me out already ;-)

I stopped by the ex's this afternoon to drop off a few things for the boys and Belle (who are with him this weekend), and told him I had hoped his new live-in girlfriend was home ... who I officially met for the first time last night ... because I wanted her to come down the street with me to the Tim's for a coffee.

We haven't really been introduced, other than the quick 'Hi's' in the kitchen last night while dropping off the boys bag, and I think it's only fair that she and I get to have a one on one session. Not to bash the ex in any way. I'm a big girl, and I know that he's going to find someone, as am I at some point, and I don't need to bash him because she's going to determine what his good points, and bad are all on her own.

But if she's moving in, she's part of our lives now, and up until a couple of weeks ago, I didn't know about her, and saw her quickly for the first time last night, and so I think it's only fair, to both of us, for her to hear from me, not second hand through the ex, what my expectations are of his relationship with the boys, the ways I see it changing in the future and her involvement in all of it. Their lives are their lives and if he's found someone who will be good to him and the boys, as well as a good influence on them, GREAT! . But the boys are part of that life also, and my only 'expectation' of her specifically is that she be good/nice/responsible to them.

Also, there are certain 'hot' topics like child support and visitation, that I want her to hear my views on directly from ME, again, not second hand. She needs to know where I stand on both of these issues, and what my expectations have been and continue to be of the ex, directly from me. I don't ever plan on being the b*tchy ex-wife. But if this is going to be a long term relationship for him, which I have to assume since she's moved in, then I do plan on having his partner know exactly where I stand in this 'relationship' and what my expectations are. Period.

Life's too short to be playing games. We're all grown ups. I won't say we'll be the best of friends, or agree on fundamental issues of life, but we can certainly all get along and I expect it to start with all expectations laid out on the table. I'm also interested in hearing what her views on our new situation are :-)

Anyway, she wasn't home at the time. So I asked the ex to mention to her that I'd like she and I to go for a coffee ... and I'm curious to see if she's going to take me up on it .... ;-)

Have a great weekend all! I'm off to mow the lawn now ... or clean the kitchen .. I'll most likely decide which when I hit the top of the stairs and see the condition of both :-)

Kim

PS - I got my hair cut again last night ... it was much easier this time around ;-)

We have a new addition to our family

Hey everyone! Another one for the dog lovers out there :-)

This is a message I sent out yesterday to family and friends (so references like 'last night' and 'today' are off by a day).


************ ********* *********

Hey all,

I'd like to introduce you to the latest member of our family. Meet Belle :-) She joined our brood last night and has been adjusting wonderfully! !!!

I've been on the 'puppy search' for about 3wks now and we 'found' her on a fluke.

We had an appointment to see a Golden Retriever pup last night after Alec's ball practice. I had made arrangements to meet two other pups, on two other occasions, but they both fell through at the last minute, which was very disappointing :-( That day, I purchased a leash and collar ... we were definitely bringing a pup home that night!

So while we were AT the ball field, a couple there had a puppy with them ... the pup had a sister. This pup was .... free :-) We went to see the retriever around 7:30pm, gorgeous, absolutely beautiful but $550 and only 6wks old. By the time I factored in her first three sets of needles, having her spayed when ready, I was looking at close to $1100. Yeesh!!! Then we head home, check the email from the guy at the ballfield for pics of this 'new' pup, call the guy who owned her and yup want to see her ... around 10pm. Late, and past the boy's bedtime, however, the other woman wanted an answer on her pup, because others were interested in her, and this was a 'special' occasion of sorts.

On the way there, which was about 1/2 hour away, I looked out at the full moon, and a few seconds later noticed the next lyric in the song playing, 'gotta stop and ask Ms Belle for some of her sweet tea" ... I half-turned back to Alec (who was still awake, unline Adam lol), and asked 'Did you hear that?" "The pup's name that we're going to see is named Belle ... wonder if it's a sign?" LOL

I left the choice up to the boys. The took one look at her when we got there, and she came home with us :-) YAY! Happy puppy dance!

She's a Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever / Boxer mix. But I don't see any boxer in her yet. She was named Belle .... and it sort of suits her so we're keeping it. She'll be 12 wks old this Sunday.

I've noticed one 'cute' characteristic about her already ... one ear flops forwards, the other goes backwards LOL.

She had never been in a car before last night and she did wonderful on the drive. I stopped at Sobey's on the way, and picked up some puppy food, and a couple of other types of 'puppy' treats. She sat or layed down between the boys the whole way home and never moved. We even stopped at their dad's to introduce her lol. Then finally got her home. I pulled in the driveway, parked the vehicle .... and she puked LOL. I'm thinking she would have done fine, had she not had the 'treat' from Sobeys. It was actually pretty funny :-) Alec recognized the signs too, had opened the door and had turned around to get her out when ... on his sweatshirt that she was using for a 'bed' :-) He kind of raised his eyebrows and said 'that's ok mom, I wasn't gonna wear it any more tonight anyway....; lol

She met the cat briefly. She wanted to say hello, the cat hissed, gave me a dirty look and ran away :-) Then the cat sat in Alec's doorway and stared at the dog on the bed, and the dog stared at the cat, then the dog would look at me ... and I'd look at the cat ... nobody moving lol. However, when Belle fell asleep with Alec for awhile, Puss snuck up and checked her out, sniffed her etc. I'm positive the cat has already noticed a difference in temperment from our last dog. Hershey loved her, but chased her constantly around the house. It was a game of theirs He'd sit in one spot forever, waiting for her to come out, then off they'd go ... tag!

Belle, unlike Hershey, hasn't pounced on her yet, and it's like the cat is waiting for the other shoe to drop lol But Belle seems pretty laid back, very 'quiet' ... I'm thinking they'll be friends

She's stuck pretty close to me all night and today. She's definitely more comfortable with adults, but she's already started to warm up to the boys and she slept with Alec on his bed until I went to bed, then she slept with me for the rest of the night :-)

I had her out in the yard a few times this morning, teaching her the boundaries. So far, she's a great listener ... I'm hoping that doesn't change as she gets more comfortable around here lol.

Next step ..... puppy obediance classes :-)

Have a great weekend all. I'm off today to spend it with the pup. Maternity leave of sorts ;-)

K
***************************************
I'm missing her this weekend :-( She went with the boys to their father's :-( Fate works in such mysterious ways ... with ''everything' going on with us lately, I still have to chuckle at the little things .... she pooped in the ex's truck hee hee hee ... I knew I liked that pooch! Just kidding ;-) Since we actually get along, I have to say "Sorry 'bout that Paul!" ;-p
I'm very happy to have Belle with us ... I think she's exactly what we all need right now ... 'puppy stages nightmares' or not ;-)

K
Here's our new girl!

Is that thing on?

She LOVES to just lay in the grass and listen to all the sounds, watch the bugs/flies and try and eat the white fuzzy dandelions lol :-)

K.

Just when I thought I was all cried out .... Death Sucks Part II

Hi all,

I meant to post this on Friday night, but after the events that took place, I just didn't have the energy once I finally got the kids to bed that night. So it's a little late, but here's the latest adventure from Kim's Korner ...........


It seems whenever I'm sending out a mass email recently, it's cause I'm sad about something ... and today unfortunately is no different. Last night (Thurs Apr 26) we lost someone else in our 'circle'. Hershey, our dog of 5 yrs, who some of you met and knew, was let out accidentally by one of the kid's friends last night, and was hit and killed by a car. Two cars actually. The first lady stopped, which was very nice of her, and from the witness accounts, he still might have had a chance at that point, but then an SUV came along and smoked him again, and although the person slowed down, the asshole didn't stop. You can't tell me you can hit a 50+lb dog ... see a kid freaking on the side of the road, and not realize you hit something.

It all started just after 8:30pm. Hershey made his great escape, and the kids left to walk their friend home (5 houses away or so) about 10 min later. They saw Hershey walking in front of them, called out to him, and of course once he saw them, he thought they were coming after him, so he made a run for it right into the road. When they first saw him, the little girl had started going up to her house to grab a leash, and the boys were standing in her driveway when the car came along and hit him. Alec and Adam saw the whole thing. I'm very sad about that. As much as Hershey was 'Mom's Boy' ... he was Alec's best friend, and to have him see that, a head on collision with his dog ... my son's never going to forget that. It's just one of those life altering events that stays with you.

Adam came running back to the house for me, their friend ran into her house and called me on the phone at the same time, and poor Alec was freaking in/beside the street.

I do have a couple of things to be thankful for .... 1) that in all the chaos, that Alec wasn't hit himself. and 2) that Hershey didn't suffer long cause he was still alive when I got there.

When I got down the street to everything, the little girl's mom was out in the street directing traffic around Hershey cause he was still in the middle of the road on the yellow line. He was still alive, but the only thing moving was his head as he turned it slightly to look at me. And he never made a sound. He was looking at me with those huge chocolate brown eyes, and there wasn't a thing I could do for my boy except drag his broken body off the road and over to the side and sit with him until he was gone.

I was sitting on the road with him, rubbing his head, the kids had gone to a neighbours house to call their dad, and someone suggested that we had to 'take him somewhere'. Not thinking, I jumped up and started to clear out the back of my SUV to make room for him, realized it was going to be a futile effort cause I was just throwing things around from one side to another in the back, and not really moving anything and so I went back to him just as he died.

Paul (the ex) showed up and called his friend who had a large truck that we could put him in the back of to get him back to our place.

Not sure who called the police. Someone must have though cause within minutes of my reaching the scene, one cop car arrived, then a second a few minutes later. Poor guy, I felt bad for him too cause there's really nothing they can do for anyone at that point except take info and direct trafffic.

Tonight after work, Paul will come over again and we'll be burying Hershey in the back yard, next to Shelby. Our cat who he loved to chase for most of his 5 yrs until she died a couple of years ago.

As much as I cursed his hair around the house, the fact he got into the garbage, the fact he chased the old cat and new one .... I'm really going to miss that damn dog!!! :-( He loved us very much, and we loved him too. He was Alec's best friend and my protector. He was the reason I wasn't afraid to be 'alone' at nights after the separation. I knew I had Hershey and he'd rip anyone apart who ever tried to hurt his family.

The house was very quiet last night after the boys went to bed. I kept thinking I'd hear him walking around upstairs, getting into the garbage or jumping on Alec's bed ... and every time of course I was wrong.

I know it's just a dog. But any pet owners out there will understand that animals DO become part of your family and it hurts very much to lose them. Hell ... I started crying walking by the stupid garbage bag sitting in the kitchen last night, cause I knew I'd never again have to say "HERSHEY!!!! GET OUT of the garbage!!!!!!!"

It was a very long and hard night. Both boys ended up in my bed, and it was almost 1am before Alec was able to even close his eyes. They kept waking up and wanting to talk about it. Long night. Today, although we were all late, the kids went to school and I came to work. I'm writing this on my 'lunch hour'. I thought being with their friends at school today would keep the boys minds busy, and they wouldn't focus as much on being sad while they were with their friends.

Funny how kids minds work .... as I was getting ready for work, I thought Adam was being VERY quiet in the kitchen. Then I heard the back door close. I looked out the bathroom window and saw him walking to the garage with a piece of paper in his hand. Then he came back, got something else, and left it with Hershey. He had written him a 'good bye, I love you' poem, and left him his 'blankey' for the day, so he wouldn't be cold or lonely in the garage today :-(

Sigh ... did I mention Death Sucks!!!!!!

Whatever freakin' cosmic test these last couple of weeks have been ... I'd better be passing!!!!!

That's it. That's the news of the day. Sorry it couldn't be more cheerful, but there's just nothing happy about losing a family member .... even if he was a four legged one.

K.

UPDATE:*************************

We ended up burying Hershey in the back yard, next to Shelby on Friday night, (in the rain no less ... how appropriate lol) had a little funeral with some neighbourhood kids, and then I watched Happy Feet with the boys until they both fell asleep in my bed again.

They're already talking about a new puppy of course, but I told them I wanted a bit of time before we jump into a new dog. Man, I hate the thought of going through the puppy stage again :-( We've discussed what our next dog will be, and have narrowed it down to either a Golden Retriever or a Shephard. I've been trying to gather pro's and con's for both. Still doing the research/reading on both, and haven't decided on either yet. I did manage to talk them out of a Beagle though. Since those guys are runners also, it wouldn't be a good type of dog for where we live right now.

Whatever our next dog will be ... it HAS to be the type that won't look to bolt the minute it gets the chance. We live on a FAR too busy road for that type of dog .... either that .... or we move I guess ;-) And yes, our next dog will DEFINITELY go to 'training'.

This is a new week ... today's a new/better day .... and although we'll always love him, it doesn't hurt as much today to think about and miss him.

Later all!!!

K.

I'm very very sad today ... aka ... Death Sucks!

Hi all,

A friend of mine, Tracy, died last night. I can't say we were 'best' friends by any means. But she was a friend nonetheless, as well as being the sister-in-law of my best/closest friend.

I've known my best friend Cassandra for 15yrs, meaning I've known Tracy this long as well. Tracy was her SIL for 20yrs. They were like sisters. You know how your best friend's family sort of morphs into your own at times and you find yourself attending everything from kitchen parties to weddings together. Tracy was only 6yrs older than me. We had 'celebrated' together on different occasions ... she was a friend as well as part of my closest friend's family.

She was first diagnosed with breast cancer almost 2yrs ago. She did the chemo treatments, had the mastectomy, did everything she was supposed to do to fight it. She was doing well, and supposedly it was gone. A little over 5 weeks ago, she was out with her husband, saying "you know, maybe I'll go back to work in the next couple of weeks." Instead, she went for a checkup and they found three tumors on her brain.

She didn't want to die. She had alot more laughing to do, more life to experience. All the life's events she was looking forward to. The kids graduation, their weddings ... she knew she wouldn't be here for any of it. At that time, less than 2 months ago, they gave her a year.

Tracy was a very strong woman with one of the most up-beat, positive attitudes imaginable. She was 43yrs old and wanted to fight. She had alot to live for, and alot of people who loved her. She had all the radiation treatments on her brain to shrink the tumors and again, did everything she was 'supposed' to do, but it wasn't letting go this time. These past couple of weeks, she deteriorated at an incredible rate, and the disease began to attack her body again. Literally eating her from the inside out.

A few weeks ago, when I had my hair cut, we walked through the mall afterwards because we knew Tracy was there and she wanted to see what I had done for the 'surprise' cut. We didn't see her because by the time I was done, she had gotten tired and gone home. I look back at that day now, at being upset over the haircut and I remember standing in a fast food lineup after we couldn't find her, thinking at the time "stop being such an idiot about your hair ... it's going to grow back!!! Look at what Tracy's been through, she lost ALL her hair, and it wasn't exactly her choice to do so, so suck it up princess and stop being such a stupid schmuck!!!" That was only a few weeks ago, and we were still thinking 'maybe she'll beat it' ... but last night she ran out of fight, said her good bye's and went to sleep.

Death really sucks.

I don't understand what lesson we're supposed to learn from the death of a wonderful person, who had an incredibly infectious laugh, who had a husband and two children who loved and needed her ... and yet, some idiot can walk into VA tech yesterday and kill so many innocent people. For what? If someone 'had to go', why couldn't that psycho (or pick any other psycho) simply get smacked by a bus before he entered the building. The rest of it never would have happened. Leave the people like Tracy. Non smoker, non drug user, social drinker, enjoyed sports, generally took care of herself. Great Mom. Great wife. Great friend. Leave the people like her who touch the people they meet, simply with their personalities, and are genuinely loved by young and old, and just wipe those other sh*theads out in some 'final destination-like' way and be done with it. I could understand those laws of nature.

But losing people like Tracy, or my Dad to a body/soul robbing disease like Cancer ... there's no justification in those laws of nature for me. It doesn't make sense, and I don't see the big cosmic 'point'.

I think when the end comes, people know when they're dying. My grandmother waved at my mom and dad across the room from her hospital bed, and called them over to say goodbye, my mom and dad called me home the weekend before dad died, and when the ambulance finally came to get him a few days later, to take him to the hospital, he didn't want to get in because he knew if he did, he wouldn't be coming home again. And in those final seconds before he died, after being non-responsive since just after I got there the night before, he opened his eyes and looked at my mom. He knew. I think Tracy knew also.

There was a hospital bed on hand at the house for awhile, she refused to use it, and remained adamant about staying in the recliner. Yesterday morning, it was determined it was time to move her into the bed. Although she had been un-responsive for the last couple of days, when it came time to get into that bed, she fought back, she was awake, mad and there was no mistaking any of her words lol, she didn't want to get into that bed, cause she knew if she did ... she wouldn't get out again ... and she came back and gave it one more shot and fought back hard. She knew. She got in that bed yesterday around lunchtime, and she died just after 10 last night.

She knew exactly what she wanted when the time came too, and left the details for her husband. She had gotten a present for him and each of the kids, and on Friday night they all had supper together and she gave them their gifts and had a final family dinner together. That was the last time she really ate. She slept most of the weekend, and then yesterday, the kids were called home from school. The doctor and priest were called to the house also. She wrote letters to all of them. To be opened after she died. She even wrote her own eulogy. She said "who better to talk about my life than me. I had a great life." She made sure everything was taken care of.

Speaking of 'taking care of' ... I have to say ... David, her husband was an amazing man through all of this. Literally taking care of her every physical and emotional need, and letting her know how much he loved her through it all. An amazing man.

This morning I went to work, took care of a few things that I wanted taken care of, then met with my PM for a few minutes, called my best friend and told her I was on my way, then left and hit the road for the 45-55 min drive, and spent a long day with lots of crying, lots of hugging, some laughing talking about various 'good' times, more crying, picking out funeral outfits, ... lots of coffee :-) long day. Got home around 8 tonight. Exhausted. Death is very draining.

I think one reason this is hitting hard and hitting home, is that although many of us have been through the death of our parents and/or grandparents ... this one is hitting the 'inner circle', this one's in MY group of friends.

My heart still hurts tonight. For Tracy, David, the kids, my best friend, Tracy's dad, who also lost his wife, Tracy's mom only two years ago to brain cancer, my best friend's parents, who loved her like a daughter .... for so many others who'll miss her. And for my dad too. Hearing Cass describe her last day with her sister in law, of her fighting this disease and losing, getting the weekly then daily reports, brought back alot of memories. Not happy ones.

It also hurts, cause I was originally going to go down this weekend and say good-bye to her, and I didn't. It was my son's birthday party weekend, my mom was visiting from out of town, so I called my best friend and told her since I was planning to come down next weekend anyway (there was a benefit scheduled for Tracy next Friday night), I would just wait and see her and say my good-bye next weekend. I kick myself now. I looked at the clock at 3pm on Sunday after mom left and thought "it's still early, I can still make it there and home before too late ....." but the boys had just left to walk the dog, I started cleaning out the truck, they ran into friends and started to play, I didn't really want to bring them to see her that way, wanted to do it the weekend I was alone, which was only a few days away ... right? ... and the next time I looked at the clock it was 5pm, and we didn't go. I regret that very much. I'm always preaching to the kids about 'making the right choice!' .... THAT was not the right choice :-(

One thing I'm happy about though (aside from the obvious that she is no longer in pain and suffering), is that I was on the phone last night with Cass when she got the call from her brother. Everything happens for a reason right? I had called my mom to fill her in on the latest news on Tracy, that it was expected to be hours to a day, then said I had to call Cass. Called her as soon as I hung up with mom, and we weren't on the phone 5 minutes when she got the call from David on the other line. Although I couldn't be 'there' at the time, I was there, and we had a good cry together, so I'm glad about that. I just wish my heart would stop feeling like it's being squeezed in a vice-grip right now. I don't like that feeling. Yes, I know it goes away, or at least diminishes considerably ... but I still don't like it.

Did I mention death sucks?

My condolences to all the family members who lost loved ones and friends in yesterday's senseless shooting.

K.