You Want A WHAT For Christmas?

Christmas is right around the corner.

I don't want to think about it.

I'm not ready, and worried about being ready when the time comes.

Regardless of my state of readiness, it's coming.



A few weeks ago, Adam informed me of something that was on his Wish List.

It wasn't exactly what I was expecting.

'MOM! You've GOT to come here and SEE this!'

I knew he was watching TV, and given the time of night, I figured he was watching a particular show.

Oh it was a show alright, but again, it wasn't what I was expecting.



There was my 9yr old son, watching the infomercial for the Magic Bullet!

Alright! ALRIGHT! Get your minds out of the gutter! Not THAT type of magic bullet!


The Magic Bullet that, according to the website, 'saves you time because it does almost any job in the kitchen in 10 seconds or less!'

They make breakfast, lunch, dinner, drinks and desserts in that thing.

And there was Adam, GLUED to the TV ... fascinated.


As soon as I walked in the room, he said 'I want a Magic Bullet for Christmas!'

Having not yet seen what he was watching, I shot back a, 'You want a WHAT for Christmas?'


'LOOK what Mick & Mimi can do with it, Mom! WE could make those too! And it's ONLY three payments of $33.33!'

OK, I wasn't expecting THAT one!

Now, here's the scary part ... with each segment, he knew exactly what they were going to make, how to make it, whether to slice or dice, and was repeating parts of the dialogue along with them.

Aw, man, HE'D WATCHED THIS BEFORE!

My kid is hooked on the magic bullet.

He now watches it, if he can catch it during what little time he watches TV.

He brings it up every few days. 'Can we get a magic bullet, Mom?'

And a few days later, out of the blue, 'Just think of all the things I could make with it.'

Notice he said 'I', not 'you'.

Yeah, he's his father's son. Always in the kitchen, and seriously wants a cooking appliance for Christmas.

Go figure.



My mother was visiting over the weekend. He sat her down to watch the infomercial. He REALLY wants that Bullet!

On Sunday, she made omelets for breakfast.

Adam was helping her.

As she was preparing the ingredients, he looks up at her, batting those baby blues and says;

'Ya know Grammy, if we had a Magic Bullet we could make this in only 6 seconds.'

And a couple of seconds later, 'You know, with the Magic Bullet, this would be done.'


Damn you Mick and Mimi and your Magic omelets, muffins and slushies that come in their own cups with different coloured tops!

Just damn you.

And your three easy payments.



Nope, never thought I'd hear one of my kids ask for a Magic Bullet for Christmas, (a SNUGGIE maybe).



But if it had to be a magic bullet, I'm glad it was the blender, and not ...

... the other one.



If you'd like to see firsthand, the Magic that is, The Bullet, you can find Mick and Mimi here:






This is Part I. If you really want to see more of the Magic, you can find Part II HERE.



So of course after I saw the videos, I read the comments.

Not everyone is happy with the Magic of their bullet.

Since there's also a huge shipping fee on top of the three easy payments, I thought I'd run it by Adam that maybe the Bullet wasn't such a great idea.



However, when I brought it up to him with a, 'Ya know, Bud, some people weren't happy with their MB.'

He simply looked at me, seriously, and replied, 'Well, if we're not happy, then we'll use the 30 day money back guarantee, won't we?'

Seriously.

My kid.

Please Note: This was NOT a solicited review for the Magic Bullet product. Simply one boy's fascination that needed to be shared.

With his approval of course ;-)


K.

P.S. Oh and Santa, please feel free to bring Mama the other magic bullet for Christmas. It's been a long five years. Thanks. Smooches!

*************************************

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE

**********************************************

Seeing as so many people have made it over to this post, I HAD to come back and let you know if Adam opened a Magic Bullet on Christmas morning.

YEAH BABY!

And yes, he made omelettes ... in his Bullet, for breakfast ;-)

Mick and Mimi would have been SO proud!

The Fascination With James Bulger, And His Killers

A year ago today, I wrote a post.

It was about little James (Jamey) Bulger. Or more specifically, 'whatever happened to his killers?'

I had NO idea at the time, the amount of traffic that one post would drive to my site.

It has both shocked, and saddened me. According to Google Analytics, this post has been viewed 5,265 times since it's appearance.

It has, beyond a doubt, generated the most hits, and comments on my blog.

I'm not sure how I feel about that.



Most of the hits have resulted from Google searches.

The most popular, being some version of 'James (Jamey) Bulger's Killers' followed closely by 'James (Jamey) Bulger's Killers, Where Are They Now?'

Fifteen years later, and all these people are still wondering what happened, and where these (now) men are living.

Why?

Why is it, that EVERY SINGLE DAY someone does a search on Jamie Bulger and the boys who tortured him?

That was the question that went through my head, every time I saw the page had been viewed.



Then, about a month after it was up, the hits on that post started climbing towards the end of the day.

And climbing FAST!

By the end of the viewing frenzy, it had been looked at 750 times in 12 hours. And 99% of the hits were from the UK.

What the heck was up with that?

I went to the analytics site, to see where everyone had come from.

ALL google searches.

I could understand if someone had 'stumbled' or 'dugg' the post, but all the visits were because people had done a search on Jamie. Or his killers.

WOW.

That surprised me.

Over time, I got curious, and ran my own 'Whatever happened to James Bulger's killers' search in Google.

The scary thing is, it came back with 24,000 results.

And there I was, in the top three.

Now, usually I'd be happy to be in top three anything!

But this ...?


A few months later, there was another spike.

This time, I had come to the conclusion that the surge in hits was caused by one of two things.

Either there had been some sort of 'special' aired on TV about the crime, or the case had now become homework for university/law/crimiology students, and they had just been given their assignment.

A few weeks ago, one of my theories was confirmed.

I received an email from a guy in the UK, who had just watched a show on the Bulger killing on TV. He then went off on a Google search, and found me.

(And took the time to write. Which is always nice BTW. Getting a 'hi, like your site!' email from strangers. Now matter HOW they got there!)

So that explains the days with super hits.


But what about the others?

What fascination, curiousity or requirement is bringing people to this post daily?

And what are they leaving with?

Compassion? Rage? Nothing?

Judging by the comments, it's still clearly an emotional issue.

Both the post, and comments have brought about heated opinions on the matter.

And right or wrong, people have very strong feelings on how these men should be allowed to lead the rest of their lives.

Keeping in mind, they were already judged. 15 yrs ago.


Everyone is entitled to their opinion.

That's why I've published all comments left on the blog.

All comments, with one exception.


Yesterday, I finally added an update to the original post.

I'm actually a little creeped out that it had to be done at all.

I've asked that readers stop sending me what they think are the new identities, and whereabouts, of Robert Thompson and Jon Venables.

I will NOT publish this information.

Yes, I think what they did was absolutely horrible. Reprehensible.

But what happens if I were to approve a comment that says 'Robert/Jon's NEW name is Oscar the Grouch, and he now lives at 123 Sesame Street! First trash can on the left ... you can't miss it!'

Would the people who have commented, who continue to hate these men, and believe they should be tortured/killed for their sins, would they and their friends suddenly show up on Sesame Street, trashing that first can on the left?

And what about the poor Bird who lives next door? What if he gets caught in the crossfire?


Seriously though.

There have been some pretty hateful comments left on the original post.

I am NOT going to be responsible for pointing the finger at people who may, or may NOT be who someone thinks they are.


And just because my mind works in the strange ways it does, another thought ran through it ...

What if there was some sick, vindictive person who was pissed off at someone, who was absolutely NOT Robert Thompson or Jon Venables ... but accused them anyway, for reasons that would only benefit the accuser?

Too many Criminal Minds episodes? Perhaps.


Any way you look at it, innocent people could get hurt by flinging names randomly out into the Internet universe.

If you think you know who and where they are, and feel you need to ABSOLUTELY do something about it? Send the info to the local police, (which I'm sure they already have), and then knowing that the proper authorities (now) know, and will be watchful, should be enough to ease that conscience of yours.

Don't send me your info.

I don't want it.


After a year, that post now generates anywhere from 300- 400 hits a month.

And sometimes, it still spikes to almost 500 hits a day.

For whatever reason, there is still a fascination with James Bulger, and his killers.

Was it because of the nature of the crime? That it was committed by children.

Who knows.

For whatever reason, people are still wondering Whatever Happened To James Bulger's Killers?

But, for Robert and Jon's sakes, I hope they never find out.

K.

H1N1 Ain't Been No Fun! - The H1N1 Series - Part II

Sorry it's taken so long to follow up on the last post.

I'm sure when you saw 'series' you didn't think it was a WEEKLY series! ;-)

I haven't been in the frame of mind to blog.

Period.

Too much real life to deal with. Good and bad.

'Nuff said.


So, if you're just joining us, the boys and I have NOT had our H1N1 virus shot.

If you're interested in reading my thoughts on this, feel free to check out the first part of this series; NO Shot For YOU! The H1N1 Series - Part I

All caught up?

Alrighty then!

So you know that while the boys and I were waiting to be eligible for the vaccine, we got the flu.

Of course.


It all started when I went to Alec's basketball game on Sunday (couple of weeks ago now).

They were with their father that weekend, but being the first game of the season, I wasn't about to miss it.

During the game, I noticed he was dragging his ass.

I chalked it up to the fact he had been to a Halloween Party the night before from 5-11pm.

I figured the trick or treating and late night had done him in.

When I picked him up from his dad's after dinner, he had just woken up with a headache, and was warm.

Again, figured the trick or treating and late night were taking it's toll.


Took his temp when we got home ... fever. I gave him Advil, and he went to bed.

Next morning, the fever was down, and he seemed fine so I sent him off to school.

By 3:30 when he got home, the fever was up over 100, and all the other symptoms had kicked in.

He stayed home the next day.


When Adam came home from school on Tuesday, he complained of being tired and had a headache.

The fever hit the next morning.

No school for you! Quarantine!


And me? When I went to bed on Tuesday night, I went with the intention of going to work the next morning (if Adam was able to go to school).

Instead?

I woke up with with the freakin' flu!

Full fledged, kicked in, you're not getting your ass out of this bed, flu.


Was I surprised I got it, after Alec started showing signs?

Nope.

You're talking to the girl who's had the double lung surgery, now has 15% less lungs and was diagnosed with COPD awhile back. Immune system less than 100%.

Oh, there's a respiratory pandemic going around?

Yeah, let me just move myself on over so you can come right on in Mr Flu.

Ya little bastard!



For three days my children were basically orphaned.

I COULD. NOT. MOVE.

Thankfully (?) since they weren't feeling well either, and spent most of THEIR time in bed, they weren't very demanding.

Oh ... it's morning? Breakfast? Milk in the fridge, cereal in the cupboard or waffles in the freezer.

Help yourself.

Body crashes back into fetal position.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


Lunch? Already?

Last night's leftovers in the fridge.

Help yourself.

Body CRASH!

It was crazy!

I DID however crawl out to make them dinner.

I had to. The 'guilty mom's' were setting in.

Not that they ate alot. Due to that old 'loss of appetite' symptom.

Me? I didn't eat for three days.

Had a clementine on the third day.


Thursday was spent in much of the same way.

A complete flu-induced HAZE.

Friday? Same.

A few days later, I had to ask Alec what I'd made for dinner on Thursday night.

For the life of me, I couldn't remember.



The flu hit us.

Hard.

Alec and I hardest, and Adam with only a few symptoms.

We spent from Wed - Sun at home (Alec Tues-Sun) and four of those days were quarantined in the house.

We stayed away from everything. Work, school, basketball, etc.

We couldn't have gone anywhere if we'd wanted to anyway.


By the weekend, I had no choice. I HAD to get out and get groceries.

I was out of milk, bread, juice, eggs, etc. All the 'staples'.

And ... I hadn't had a coffee in FOUR DAYS, People!!!!! FOUR DAYS!!!!!

I was seriously jonesin' for a Tim's by then!


When I got to the store, I went straight to the pharmacy and asked if they had any masks.

They didn't.

Which surprised me.

So, I kept my head down, mouth shut, avoided all contact, got my stuff in under 5 min and got out.


I had spoken to the Dr.

I KNEW the diagnoses.

I know the H1N1 symptoms, process, rules, and spiel like a mantra.

If you have a confirmed case do this. If you have an unconfirmed case, but are presenting symptoms, do the same thing.

If you're around someone who is presenting symptoms, but you are fine, go out, live your life as usual.


I spoke to the Clinic when Alec first showed many of the symptoms on Monday night.

Diagnosis? STAY HOME!

I spoke to the Dr again once I started showing them on Wed.

The advice was the same.

Basically, there is ONE flu going around, if you have the identified symptoms, you have it. Stay home. Stay away from people. Treat the fever, headache and cough. Rest.

Period.

And you know what?

Your body doesn't give you a choice anyway.


So here's my take on this flu, and the whole experience.

• * When it hits, it hits HARD and FAST.
• * Don't bother trying to get out of bed, no ... really ... just STAY there.
• * No, that is not a knitting needle poking through your eye and into your brain, it's simply a flu-induced headache, that should be gone in a few days ... really.
• * You did not walk in your sleep and throw your body off a cliff. Those aches and pains? Yeah, thank the virus that's roaming around on your insides.
• * Food? Uhhhh ... no.
• * Cough? Nasty until it's under control.
• * Chills, fever. Yup, yup.
• * And if you have to deal with employers who require notes after 2-3 days ... god help you! Cause you're NOT making it out of the house to get that note!

Nope, H1N1 ain't been no fun!

But there IS an up side to this virus!

Come on, People, you know me! I HAVE to find a freakin' up side to this!

No stomach issues!

Which is a huge WooHoo for people like me who HATE puking with an almighty passion.

And there's another positive to consider.

We've been through it, and recovered, vaccine free.

Our bodies have now (hopefully) begun to build up a natural immunity to it, and this one bout will be the ONLY one ... this year.



There will be NO Part III to the H1N1 Series

When I originally had the idea for this 'H1N1 series', I had three things in particular I wanted to talk about.

The vaccine, actually having this H1N1 and the policies around being absent from work during the pandemic.

I have decided not to include the third post.

The reason I originally wanted to vent about it is no longer an issue.

With help, policy was changed, and people were looked at individually.

I will simply say this; All organizations need to take the seriousness of this pandemic into consideration, when advising their employees on 'sick time policy'.

Bottom line?

Realistically?

People who have come down with this little beast, are simply NOT able to get to the doctor's office on day 2-3. And some, maybe longer!

And do any of us REALLY want to be dragging our sick selves, and sick families down there, to expose and infect others?

Um ... NO!

In this particular case, with this particular flu, common sense needs to be put before 'policy'.

And that's all I have to say about that.


Stay healthy everyone!

K.

NO Shot For YOU! The H1N1 Series - Part I

We've been sick here.

All of us. To varying degrees.

I wasn't going to post on H1N1.

Simply because I'm still not sure how I feel about the whole vaccine, panic, people and policy thing(s).

I didn't really want to jump on any one bandwagon, and instigate a bunch of debates I really don't want to publicly instigate.

But ya know what?

Now that we've been through the week from flu hell, and are all on the mend, I've decided there are a few things I DO want to share.


Before I jump into 'our story', let me get a few things out there.

The Vaccine

I'm still not sure, 100% positive in my heart, that it won't leave long term effects in some, or many.

There is SO much information out there. And no, I'm not talking obviously bogus or the 'listen to me, I'm a nutjob' YouTube videos.

Real conflicting information.

And after reading so much, because ... you know, you have to be knowledgeable about the things you're going to put into your body, I'm still not convinced they know enough about it, and how much of a benefit it's really providing.

How many people do you know who have gotten 'the shot' and still ended up sick?

What long term effects will it have?


We're always so quick to jump on the latest 'miracle wonder' that will help us in whatever way.

You know what I keep thinking about?

When pregnant women were given the SAFE drug, Thalidomide (a harmless sedative for expectant mothers) in the 50's & 60's.

Oh sure, it was safe.

And HOW MANY children were born with birth defects because of it?



OK, so I'm comparing apples to oranges.

But bottom line is, we're all lining up to put something into our bodies, that hasn't been through a proper human trial.


Oh ... wait ... that's what THIS is ... isn't' it?


The High Risk List

Regardless, the decision whether or not to have the boys and I vaccinated was taken away from me, because we did not fit the requirement for the High Risk Category.

Meaning, NO Shot For YOU!

"Public health officials say there are only enough vaccines for people in four groups: pregnant women, First Nation communities, health-care workers and children between ages six months and 59 months."

Taken from the following article: Halifax-area H1N1 clinics open to high-risk groups

So, although there were those who instantly made to the decision to vaccinate, and stood in lineups lasting up to SEVEN hours!, since we couldn't get it anyway, I decided to stop worrying about THAT one, until the time came to open it up to the rest of us.


Given the vaccine shortage, I completely understand why this has to be done on a priority basis, and I agree with putting children, pregnant women and health care workers in high priority.

I do however, think that list should have been opened up to children 6-18 with pre-existing respiratory health conditions.

And I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say some are questioning whether or not it was 'fair' to have the First Nation people receiving their vaccines first.


Here's the issue.

Yes, First Nations on reserves were hit hard during the first wave of H1N1 last spring.

And the shortage of medical supplies must be an ongoing issue, not just H1N1 related.

That I can understand too.

But one person I spoke with about it made, what I thought, a good point; "If the general population outside of first nation reservations are expected to be responsible citizens, and take all precautions NOT to sick while waiting for the vaccine, why shouldn't they be expected to act responsibly also?"

And what about members off reserves?

If they're not living in 'high risk' areas, would they have been eligible for the first round of vaccine also?


I've never considered myself racist.

It wouldn't matter which 'group' we're talking about. I simply think that if a group of individuals can't take responsibility for their community, keeping in mind they choose to continue to live where they live, why should the rest of the general population suffer for it?

And by general population in this circumstance, I'm talking the kids only.

Kids over the 'high risk cutoff age' that have health issues, and could have really used that shot.

But that's enough about that.



Prisoners are priority?

OK, so here's the thing that REALLY pissed me off about the whole high risk priority list ... something that public health officials didn't mention ...

What about the ... the ... INMATES who are getting the vaccine before the rest of the community's children?

That's one I just don't understand!

The argument is that the inmates are in confined spaces and therefore susceptible to getting sick.

N.S. swine flu vaccine for high-risk groups only

But it wasn't only in Nova Scotia!

B.C. inmates to receive flu vaccine before prison staff

PEI - Inmates get H1N1 vaccine, children told to wait

(Thanks Michelle for the links!)


Um ... has anyone walked into a Primary classroom lately? Or sat on a school bus? Or been in a busy cafeteria line?

That goes for you grown ups too.

Do some of you not take the bus? Sit inches away from others in cubes?



Let's take a good look at this.

These inmates are ... ahem ... adults.

If they value their lives, they're going to wash their hands and take the other advised precautions to avoid getting sick.

Kids?

They just don't get the seriousness of germs and illness.

While in THEIR confined spaces, they're all sharing stuff, and touchy feely, and leaving their slimy boogers where you least expect.

When not getting a big kick out of wiping them on others.

Just cause.

Like I said. Just don't get it.


So, while the boys and I were waiting to be eligible for the vaccine, we got the flu.

Of course.


It all started when ...

Actually, we'll save all that for next time.

Be sure to come back for H1N1 Ain't Been Fun! The H1N1 Series Part II


Stay well everyone!

And make informed decisions.

'nuff said.

For more information on the H1N1 vaccine, see the Public Health Agency of Canada website


K.

So I Open The Door, And There's The Police ...

Not long ago, I wrote a post about the choices kids make.

The good, and bad.

At the time, one of my kids had made a good choice.

Last night, the other one made one that wasn't so good.


Boys were downstairs with a friend.

I was upstairs in the bathroom.

Suddenly, the phone started making this strange ring.

I thought it was the boys, messing around with the phone, so I yelled down from the top of the stairs for them to stop.

They said they weren't the cause of it.

I found the phone, answered and heard something along the lines of;

'This is 911, someone from this number just called the emergency line.'

My jaw dropped.

He'd done it!

He'd actually done it!


Through gritted teeth, I answered, 'Oh REALLY!?!', as I immediately headed for the basement.

I told the 911 operator that I assumed it had been my 9 yr old son who had made the call, as I looked at Adam and asked, 'WHY did you call 911?!'

'I didn't MEAN to!', came the wail from my boy, who KNEW at that moment he had done wrong ... BIG TIME!

Lines were crossed. Boundaries demolished.

I was pissed.

The 911 operator heard it in my voice too. I know she did.

You can't hide that kind of pissed.

I just couldn't believe, that after all the times he'd 'threatened' to call 911, because although it wasn't an emergency, for whatever reason, he felt he was being treated unjustly, because I'd said no, or stop, or wouldn't do or give or ... whatever it was he wanted at that moment.

Or if he was arguing with his brother.

We had talked about it. Many times.

Exactly what the emergency service is for, and what it's not.

And yet, after all our talks, here he'd gone and done it.

Arrraaaggghhhh! Wrong choice!


So I ask her if she'd like me to put Adam on the phone, to explain WHY he called, and she said no, that wasn't necessary, but that all 911 calls have to be followed up with a police visit, and they would be there shortly.

She also confirmed that there wasn't an actual emergency.

I clarified that it had been nothing more than a child choosing to do something he shouldn't have.

Then, I got off the phone, told Adam the police were on their way, and suggested it was time for the friend to leave.

Then, we waited.

During that time, the seriousness of what he'd done, sank in for Adam.

Regardless WHAT the police said, he already knew he was in trouble as far as I was concerned.

He was extremely upset, nervous, and despite reassurances from Alec and I, was convinced the police were going to take him with them.


About 20min later, the headlights turned up the driveway.

Alec, not about to miss out on THIS, shouts from his window perch, 'There's TWO of them!'

So, I open the door, and there's the police ...


I invited them in, asked Alec to leave the room with the dog, and asked Adam to come down off the stairs, and into the room, and speak to the officers.

He reluctantly explained what had happened.

He had dialed, and hung up immediately, thinking that someone would have to answer before the call would go through.

He was wrong.

The police were very understanding.

They asked him a few questions, we chatted a bit, and they shared that the call they had before ours, was for the exact same reason.

I think that was an attempt to make BOTH of us feel better lol.

They also had a serious discussion with Adam about the importance of understanding the rules and use of the 911 system. And that what he did was wrong, but he wasn't in trouble.

He apologized.

I also shared how, 'I'm going to call 911' has sometimes been used as a threat.

They had a serious discussion with him about that as well.


I thanked them for that, and said I hoped hearing it from someone OTHER than his mother would now make it real.

I also thanked them for coming, and having the talk that they did.

Adam thanked them for not taking him away.


After they left, I told Adam I hoped he'd learned his lesson.

And that if he EVER thought of doing that again, when there wasn't an emergency, that he'd better think twice, because now, HE was in their SYSTEM, and maybe next time, he wouldn't be so lucky, and he WOULD end up leaving with them.

Yeah.

Tough Love. I'm all over it.

K.

10-4 Buttwipe? Good! Now, GET OFF THE FREAKIN' ROAD!

So I went to a family member's wedding this weekend.

Great day. Beautiful bride & groom. Wonderful time had by all.

The event was scheduled for Saturday morning.

I left Friday night. It was a 2.5hr drive away.

It was raining. Not a torrential downpour, but raining nonetheless.

I HATE driving in the rain.

See this highway?

Looks innocent enough huh?

Now, imagine this same highway drenched in rain. DARK. Glare from the oncoming lights bouncing off the puddled road and into your eyes.

Did I mention I HATE driving in the rain?

Get caught in a build up anywhere in your lane, and that's it, you're hydroplaning and hanging on!

So we all get the idea it was a nasty night.

I had been driving for about an hour, when I saw the signs for the upcoming toll booth.

Just ahead of me were a few cars, and a transport, 18 wheeler, a big rig, Optimus Prime, whatever you want to call it, it was one of these ...

Not the actual truck. Pic taken from HERE

If there's one thing I hate more than driving in the rain, it's coming up on one of THESE. Or having one of them come up fast behind me.

I don't like passing cars on rainy nights.

I always have a fear that I'm going to catch a puddle right when I'm next to someone, and then lose control and slam into whatever's beside me.

Irrational fear? Probably.

But when rain builds up on those highways, and visibility is ... well, there is no visibility, and all the stars and planets align, and decide they're pissed off and want to wreak some havoc, there ya go.

Fluke accident on a rainy highway.

Did you know ...

"There are about 160,000 road accidents in Canada every year. According to the Transportation Safety Board approximately 2800 to 2900 people are killed on Canadian roads each year."

According to Canada Road Traffic Crash Car Accidents website

Just sayin'.

Anyway, around this time, the rain started to let up a bit and it seemed like the road had more of an even coverage of water, as opposed to the dodge the puddles maze I had been driving through most of the past hour.

I decided to pass the herd.

I pulled out into the passing lane, and kept to the far left.

I came alongside the first car, and went by comfortably. Aside from the back spray of mist as I came up on it, the move was uneventful.

Same with the next car.

Then, I came up on the truck.

Did I mention I hate driving behind those things?

Talk about back spray!

Just as I passed it's ass end, the rain picked up.

More spray.

Where the hell's that white line?

Is he getting closer to me?

It seemed like it took forever to get by him. Felt like the more I attempted to give it a bit more gas, he did too.

Then again, maybe it was just my imagination, and my OWN vehicle was having a hard time getting enough punch to get past it.

With the visibility getting crappier by the second, I wanted to make sure I had enough room getting by him, so I pulled even farther over to the side, and ended up on the 'wake the f*ck up bumps'.

These things ...

Finally, I made it past, and managed to keep a fair distance between us for a couple of minutes, until we got to the toll.

Because there was a car already in front of me when I got there, by the time I paid, he and I were rolling through at the same time.

I happened to be in the passing lane, so I blew by him as soon as I got up the speed, along with a few other cars who had just passed through the toll.

I'm not sure what exactly I did to piss off Mr Optimus Prime, but he decided to come after me.

I mean literally, come after me. Tease me. A little highway tag on a rainy Friday night.

Let's scare the shit out of the chick driving all by herself.

Asshole.

In order to get by the traffic, I had been doing about 120-130km. I kept up that speed for awhile, to get a bit of a cushion between myself, the other cars, and the big rig.

Not only do I not like passing them, I also don't like having their lights shining in my rear view mirror.

All the headlights quickly fell away in the distance.

All except the big rig.

He had pulled out into the passing lane, and was slowly but surely gaining speed.

In no time, he was right behind me.

RIGHT behind me.

Where he stayed for about 30 seconds.

DAMN, I thought, as he pulled out to pass me. That meant I was going to be stuck behind the never ending spray unless he decided to pull faaaaarrrr ahead.

There was nothing but blackness ahead of us, I hoped he would just give 'er and go once he was past me.

He slowly made his way up to my drivers door.

I maintained my speed.

Then I thought, 'Should I maintain speed? Should I slow down?'

I don't usually slow down ... but ...

I decided that HE was the one in a hurry. If he wanted to catch up and get by me so bad, he could fly at 'er.

Literally.

However, once the front of his hood reached mine, he slowed.

I waited for him to continue. To get ahead of me, but he stayed where he was.

The bastard was keeping pace with me!

I slowed down, giving him the opportunity to pull ahead and take the lead.

He slowed down too.

I slowed down even more. Surely he wouldn't do it again.

I was wrong. He kept pace. Neck and neck.

That was it, I hit the gas.

If he wasn't going to pass me, I wasn't going to play stupid games on a rain slicked highway, that's full of bumps and crappy potholes every hundred feet.

As soon as I started to pull ahead, you got it ... so did he.

Enough of this shit...

There was nobody behind me, I could no longer see the headlights of the cars we'd passed.

I hit the brakes.

He sailed by, and as soon as he had clearance, pulled in front of me.

And slowed down.

Considerably.

Bastard.

That's where he kept me for the next 60 minutes.

Until just before I had to take my exit.

The rain had stopped. The road was relatively dry. There was slow moving traffic up ahead that he wasn't passing.

I made my move.

Once he got close to the car in front of him, I pulled out past him, not giving him enough time to get out by the other car first.

Since the road was now dry, and we were no longer the only two on the road, my balls were back :-)

No sooner had I gotten by 3-4 cars than I saw him coming again.

This time, after he blew by the row of them, he pulled in behind me.

There was nobody ahead of me, he could have easily taken the lead again, but instead decided to follow.

And play with his lights.

Brights on, brights off. Brights on, brights off.

AAARRRRAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!! Did I mention BASTARD!!!!!

That. Was. IT!

I punched it.

125 ... 130 ... 135 ...

Could it be? Was I actually putting a bit of distance between us?

I came up to another row of cars and blew by them, and there ... THERE was the exit!

I took the exit ramp and spent more time watching the rear view than I did the road in front of me.

Was he coming?

Was he going straight?

Was he finally GONE?

Yes. He was.

Gone.

I was able to finish the last 15 min of my trip in peace.

No more road games, no more head games.

Now that I'm home, safe and sound, I'd like to take this opportunity to say, Thanks.

Thanks to the freakin' Buttwipe behind the wheel of that 18 wheeler from hell.

Thanks for making that a HORRIBLE trip!

Just remember Teddy Bear, Karma's a Bitch, and one day, you may just find her riding 'long side you in your cab.

10-4 Buttwipe? Good! Now, GET OFF THE FREAKIN' ROAD!

K.

Ahhhh Puberty. It's Going To Be An Interesting Ride. Blink. Blink Blink. Is It Over Yet?

'Hey MOM! Do you see any hair growing under there? I think there is!'

'There', was an armpit. And I wouldn't necessarily call it 'hair', just yet.

Having a 13 yr old boy, I've discovered that being asked to confirm the existence of pit hair, or to affirm there's been a slight change of voice, and that discussing such things as girls, booze, drugs, sex, life choices and the morning boner, are not uncommon.

It's called Puberty.

And he's there.

Actually, they're both experiencing various changes, on different levels.

So I'm experiencing it by proxy, times two.


I've always been very open with the boys. About pretty much anything and everything.

I want them to know that whatever the issue, they can ALWAYS come to me.

Any topic is open for discussion.

I don't always have the answers, but it doesn't mean we can't still talk about it.


However, I realize not everyone is like me.

Not every parent is comfortable having their 11 yr old ask the question 'can a girl still have sex while on her period?'

Not every parent is comfortable explaining to their 9 yr old that they can't have a half nude WWE Diva as his background pic. Even if she DOES look cute with her lollipop!


That's why, when I was asked if I'd be interested in receiving and reviewing a book by Mary H. Halter, called:

101 Questions Kids Really Ask ...
And The Answers They Need To Know

I said SURE!

Maybe there are parents out there would could benefit from a book like this.

Maybe the kids and I could get something from it, too.



The night it arrived, I skimmed through it quickly, and got a feel for what it was all about.

As I had suspected, we had already covered many of the topics, but there were still areas we hadn't touched on, and it offered further explanation on some of those we had.

It is produced by the company, Healthy Edudynamics, as part of their educational package, A Time To Talk.

The book is comprised of actual questions, asked by adolescences who attended the A Time To Talk program.

From the website "101 Questions Kids Book was designed to be a companion work to assist parents and teachers who are using A Time To Talk DVD, Questions and Answers about Puberty and Adolescence."


So I finished the book, and left it in a spot where I thought it may grab the boys attention, and bring about any discussions they may want to have.

The bathroom.

Either they didn't notice it, or they did and didn't bother to pick it up.

Or, they're reading it, and going back to their friends saying 'Dude! Did you know that a wet dream is called a nocturnal emission!?'

Or 'MAN! Did you know a girl can be born with up to 300,000 eggs on their ovaries!? 300,000 MAN!'

Or, they're reading it, and just not saying anything.

Who knows.



So the other morning, I thought I'd point out it's existence by bringing up an issue both boys have suffered from since they were little.

Night time leg cramps.

For years, both boys would wake up with pains in their legs. Always asking why it happened.

'Growing pains' has always been the answer.

Wouldn't you know it?

THAT topic is covered on page 39!




Then, I read them another Q&A. One which had already been asked in our house.

'How do you know you're in puberty?'

The answer included a list, which then meant, of course, they wanted to hear the list.

One item on it was, 'Hair starts to grow under arms, in the pubic area around the base of the penis and on the face and sometimes the chest.'


Little did I know that innocently bringing up the topic of night time leg cramps, would lead to a full fledged competition of 'who has more pubic hair on their ballsack!'

Boy 1: I do!
Boy 2: No Way! I do!

I refused to be referee on that one.


And ya know, even' I'VE learned a few things!

I had no idea that, 'Inside the testicles are something called somniferous tubules. They are little tiny coils that if stretched out would be the length of a football field.'

OK ... I must have missed that part of sex ed class.


And then there was this ...

Pics taken directly from our copy of

101 Questions Kids Really Ask ... And The Answers They Need To Know

The high statistic surprised me. And it surprised me the boys weren't that far behind.

Although I didn't know the actual number before reading this, I had assumed correctly that it was higher for girls.

I'm sure that says something, on my perception of women, and life.


I didn't know it was actually *illegal* to 'kick someone in the balls'.

Unless you were defending yourself of course.

Let's say two men were having a fistfight, and were pounding each other, could one all of a sudden be arrested because they kicked the other in the testicles? I did not know that!


And then, THEN, there was the question that threatened to dispel the George Costanza myth of 'I was in the pool!'

E-GAD!

A question was asked (in the book) that involved erections.

And an answer given, that changes my understanding of the male penis, according to George.

Within the lengthily answer, one sentence said 'Sometimes erections occur from being scared, or cold or from having sexual thoughts or feelings. Erections also can happen for no reason at all, and those are called spontaneous erections.'

The one word that jumped out at me was COLD.

COLD.

I always thought cold had the opposite effect.

At least, that's what George Costanza has led us all to believe!

Could it be, George was wrong about the whole 'pool thing'?

Or maybe, it's just reacts that way in cold water ... ?



You may like this book. You may not.

As I said, the boys and I DID get something from it. And I'm sure I'll use it again as a reference in the future.


Bottom line, here's what impressed me:

There were some TOUGH questions in there.

On abortion, homosexuality, race, sexual harassment/assault and more. The author does not push HER opinion on these kids with her answers. I specifically like one response she repeats throughout the book, specifically to educators using the program ...

"... it is important to tell the child this is a great question, but one that should be discussed with a parent or adult in their home."

In terms of sexual harassment/assault, among other advice, she advises a child to tell, tell and tell some more. IF the first trusting adult doesn't believe you, tell another.

That's some advice I can get behind.

That on the first page of the book, it states, "a portion of the book proceeds will benefit our partner organization KIDS AT HOPE, (An innovative concept which states and demonstrates that all children are capable of success, NO EXCEPTIONS!) and help support the fight against childhood leukemia."

I respect that.


And most importantly, she believes that it's up to US as PARENTS to discuss all these issues with our kids.

Because if WE don't, someone else WILL.

And I don't know about you guys, but I'd rather they not learn it from some 'dude' on the net, thanks.

Or Seinfeld for that matter.



So thank you, Healthy Edudynamics, for the opportunity to review this book.

And thank you, once again, to author Mary H. Halter, for the quick personal reply and turn around, during my excellent customer service experience with her organization.


If you get the opportunity, give it a read.

You don't have to agree with EVERYTHING in it. But it offers the opportunity to open the doors of conversation.

And if you have a copy, go ahead, leave it around your bathroom.

You may just end up having to inspect your adolescence's pits, pecs and ... well ... yeah.


I'm stopping there.


Ahhhh Puberty. It's going to be an interesting ride.

Blink.

Blink. Blink.

Is it over yet?


K.