Friday, January 9, 2009

MOM! Wanna Know What I Learned Today?

Seems like an innocent enough question huh?


Not in MY house!!!

A few nights ago, I was kickin' around the kitchen, putting this here, that there, when Adam came flying up the stairs from the (w)rec(ked)-room.

"MOM! Wanna know what I learned at school today?"

Thinking along the lines of reading, writing and arithmetic, I eagerly replied "Absolutely! I'd LOVE to know what you learned at school today!"

Without skipping a beat, he says "Masturbation."


I didn't think that course was taught until Grade 6!!! Is it time for another one of THOSE discussions already?!?!?!

You know, the "There's nothing wrong with it Son, just do it in private, in your own room. It's only for you to enjoy. And ... You can get arrested for doing that in public ya know!" discussion.

Keeping the tone light, I said " Really? And who were you discussing that with?"

He comes back with "Johnny"

Damn! This wasn't going to be good. "Johnny" is older and has a tendency to teach the younger kids interesting new words and concepts.

"And what did he have to say about it?" I asked, already cringing inside for what I was about to hear.

"Oh, he showed me." he said.

Holy Shit!

Breathe Kim!

I COULDN'T have heard him correctly.

I opened my mouth, and was about to go up one side of little "Johnny" and down the other, when Adam quickly interrupted.

My Mom always said my facial expressions gave me away, and I never had to say a word LOL.

"NOOOOO MOM!!!!!" He had his pants on!!!! Geeeeeeeeze!!!!!! I mean he showed me with his hand, out here ... in the air ... ya know ....!"

I slowly let go of the breath I didn't realize I had been holding.

OK. Wasn't as bad as I thought. Could have been worse. Now ... which direction was I going to take this discussion in.

Turned out, the decision was made for me, because before I could even get my brain together, or a word out, he thoughtfully said, "But ya know, NOW I know what that's called. What it's name is."

"Um ... what do you mean Hon?"

He looked up at me, as if I'd been keeping some sacred manhood secret from him all these years ...

"YOU KNOW, he said, NOW I know it's called Masturbation, and not just -

"Stop playing with yourself!".

And with that, he turned and ran back downstairs to join his brother and friend.

I let the conversation drop there.

For now.

Instead, I walked back to the dishwasher, and stopped trying to contain the burst of laughter the minute his foot touched that bottom step!



Bonnie S. said...

OMG hahahahaha I see my future! Oh man, I best start preparing myself now huh?! Too funny.

Sue said...



Ouch, ouch, ouch.


Kim's Korner said...

Bon - If you end up with a 'Johnny' at your kid's school, then yes, take a good long look at your future my friend! If there's an older friend or sibling around, then count on fielding the 'interesting questions'!!!!

And don't bother preparing your answers in advance, cause they'll end up flooring you and asking something totally different anyway.

Sue - HA HA!!! I made Sue *snort*!!! Yay me!!! :-)

Does your boy come out with statements like this? Or is it just *my* kids? SHEESH!

Glad I could make you laugh ;-)

Denise said...

OMG! I almost fell off my chair with that one.

Heather said...

THAT is toooo funny!! HAHAHA! Guess I know what I have to look forward to when my 6 month old is in middle school, huh? YAY for moms!

Megan said...

Oh. My. Gosh. I think I would've died right there on the spot. Hahaha!!!

Tanisha Rankins said...

LoL! That's too funny! You handled it very well! Kudos!