Saturday, September 5, 2009

Would YOU Read It?

I reminded my oldest son recently, of how lucky he is to have a Mom like ME!

Not because I buy him 'stuff'.

Not because I let him get away with 'stuff'.

Personally, I think he's lucky I'm the type of Mom who stays out of his 'stuff'.


The other day, I happened to stick my hand into the front pocket of my sweatshirt.

There was something in there.

A folded up piece of paper.

I pulled it out to find one of the MANY 'notes' from his girlfriend.

It was in MY sweatshirt, because I find these notes left around the house, and pick them up so his younger brother doesn't find them, read them, and make his life hell because of them.

I've picked them up off the floor, off the table/counter, out of his pants pockets before I do a wash etc.


Now ... if Alec was the type of 13 yr old who frequently gave me 'trouble', and was overly secretive about his actions, non-communicative, you can bet your ass I'd be reading his notes.

For the simply fact of keeping 'on top of things'.

I'm the parent. It's my RIGHT and obligation to keep on top of things where my kids are concerned.

I remember passing notes. I remember the 'stuff' that goes into them.

Mostly, words and phrases you wouldn't want your parents to see.


However, because Alec is the type of kid he is, and has given me no reason NOT to trust him, I haven't read ANY of these notes.

Oh sure, I'm TEMPTED!!!!!

Would I love to see what types of things his girlfriend has to say to him when there aren't grownups around?

ABSOLUTELY!

Would I love to take a peek at what a 13yr old's romance consists of these days?

ABSOLUTELY!

Would I betray his (and her) trust like that?

NOT A CHANCE!


I like to think my kids have the open relationship they do with me, because I DON'T pry into the secrets that they DO keep.

The way I see it, as long as he's still a 'good' kid, and doesn't give me reason to distrust him, why should I violate his personal space, and 'stuff'.

Because I'm his mother?

He may be a kid, but he's still a person.

A person who has the right to feel that his private thoughts will be kept private.

Unless, of course, he undergoes a major personality change, and convinces me otherwise.



But I'm curious.

About other moms/parents out there.

If you came across one of your kids 'notes' from a friend/girlfriend ...

Would YOU read it?

K.

5 comments:

Diana said...

Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!! That's a tough one! I was guardian of my nephew for 2 years and he was so not trustworthy and was kind of sneaky so I did read some notes. :(

Sue said...

I guess it depends on the circumstance. I tend to read everything I can, with the exception of Lauren's diary (I refuse, as every child needs a private outlet). She's not completely untrustworthy, but she is forgetful and can be a little silly. I don't TELL her that I read her stuff, though. I don't go LOOKING for her stuff, either. If it's there, however, I do read, and I tuck the knowledge into my mind and hold onto it. It helps me adjust how I approach her or react to some of her issues.

For example: If she's too afraid to tell me about the bullies at school and I read about it in a response from highlights magazine advice column (yes, this did happen), I work on making myself more approachable at home. I also have to put the stamps and envelops where she needs to ask to get them, so I am aware of when and what she's sending out. But I don't tell her I know, I just adjust things to make it easier for her to come to ME instead of some stranger miles away.

Oh... sorry for the long comment.

samae said...

I read everything - I log into their emails, check the history on the browser, do the works. They should have zero expectations of privacy while they are under 18 and I think it's a bit self-indulgent to give them any (although like Sue above, I wouldn't touch a diary. I'm talking about interactions with the outside world).

However I don't make a big deal about it; I sure don't tell them I am doing it. Most importantly I have never once said anything to them about what I have found. I won't unless it was something dangerous. I'm giving them enough leash to make their own mistakes, but I do want to know what they are up to so that I can keep an eye out for them.

Kim's Korner said...

Diana - Thanks much for stopping by the Korner! I also agree completely, if my son was untrustworthy, and sneaky, I'd be reading everything too!

Sue - You're right too. I think every family and circumstance is different. If Alec was a different type of kid, I would probably handle it differently.

Did you really find out she was having bully troubles from a letter she sent to Highlights? I used to LOVE Highlights magazine :-)

Samae - "self-indulgent" - wow, wasn't expecting that one.

Although I do monitor all computer use, I do give and respect his privacy when on the phone and in notes with his girlfriend.

Shawn said...

Just visiting over from SITS!

Have a great day!